******* hell
i loved you like heaven
i was the devil
and i adored you as god

i love everyone who is bad for me
and i know it, but i don't pull away
i suppose i'm a ******* for this never ending cycle of self-destruction
i cannot fathom kindness

she said you are fire and she lets you burn her
she said you are a sun that keeps her warm yet a moon during the night which keeps her cold
she said you are a tragedy in her eyes yet you are your own beautiful masterpiece in the right times
she said you love her
she said she wants to believe you

it gives me this calm, your arms
it gives me this quiet peace
which i know that i cannot forever keep
i try to treasure it
in the moments that i can
i try to stitch your face so badly into my head
because soon i know, i will never see it again

all i am seeing is you
in everything that i do
and all of me
is lost in you
when i see you
i see you
and when i see you
i love you
and when i am alone
i am a ghost
my fingers fit
nowhere else
i know i need to
bury this hatchet
which you have hurt me with
over
and
over again
but my hands are lead
and can find no dirt
and my biggest fear
is you forgetting
that i exist
how this chest
no longer is a home
to a heart
it's lost
in you
when i see you

i saw your face
through stained glass window
making it appear
more beautiful than it actually is
i saw your cold dead, ghost hand
frozen to the bone
bleach white, veins popping blue
an electric map i could trace
but i don't want you anymore
i drowned your face, dark ink
as toxic as you made me

I try not to listen to first day of my life
especially when I don't want to cry
all of my memories come flooding
of that first snowy december night
the night I saw you standing in the garage
as you opened the door and I stepped out of my car
I had drove that whole hour
feeling more excited than anxious
and it was like a picture perfect moment
with the snow falling, and us standing there feet apart
seeing each other for the very first time in our lives that had yet begun
you told me, my life started when I met you
yet today, does that still remain true?
I was going through a rough time
and in that moment, everything seemed promising to be okay
just because of you existing
I truly am glad that I didn't die before I met you
and you loved me
when it was impossible for me to love myself
though these days I am getting better at it
maybe because you tried to teach me self-love
and I will forever love you for that

the patterns i traced along your back
the warmth i found within your hair
the security i felt within your hands
the laughter i stole from your smiles
the dreams i searched inside of your eyes
and all of the words i clutched closely to my chest

i simply love you -
what more can suffice?