Had to pick up the pieces
To mend a broken heart
So I put myself out there
Made a brand new start
Downloaded the app
Filled out my bio
Then selected "submit"
Said "here we go..."

(Chorus)
It was me it was  you
It was all of the above
The future was ours
From the start my love
Every time I look at you
It makes my heart sing
Makes me do funny things
Just like a ding-a-ling

When I saw your picture
And read your profile
I swiped to the right
Beguiled by your smile
Wasn't long till you replied
My heart skipped a beat
Couldn't wait for the time
When we'd first meet

Well the rest is history
It was love at first sight
We have been together
Since that very first night
Many years have passed
Our love still goin' strong
Because of you baby
I'm writin' this song

(Chorus)
It was me it was you
It was all of the above
The future was ours
From the start my love
Every time I look at you
It makes my heart sing
Makes me do funny things
Just like a ding-a-ling

(Repeat chorus and fade)


© 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.

Love lost
In more ways than one
And at what cost?
Heartbreak is inevitable

Death everlasting
Grief never forgotten
My heart strings casting
For a pain killer

Love lost
Always a fatal blow
And at what cost?
Warping your heart with scars

Trust broken
Paranoia becomes persistent
A sleeping beast awoken
When are you good enough

Love lost
Self hatred is prevalent
And at what cost?
Forever negative about life

Tears falling
Hating the reflection in the mirror
Sadness is calling
Dragging you farther into darkness

The broken heart cries,
Alone...
But leaves visible scars.

Succulents and decor,
Meticulous cleaning, more friends.
Swiping crazy on tinder,
Online shopping, expensive skincare
Ruminating on what was once there sitting,
In suspended reality.
Where were the parents? That child is
dead now.
Locked in a haze, trying to forget
What a let down we’ve become.
That’s just how it can be.
****, that really blows.
What you thought was flush,
could just be bust.
Watching Disney + shows,
Toes the color of a mood.
Brooding about the future,
And saving the cash.
Cooking up and meal prep,
A meditation streak
you’re scared to break.
Excessive napping and
rubbing ten out on Sunday.
Dealing with small men,
eating like a champion,
taking a bath with an enemy
then do it again.
Avoiding all your frequents,
Picking up your phone calls,
singing Doja lyrics in a commute.
Drinking away the anxiety,
Staring at the tv,
Covered in twenty Sherpa-
You’re gone and I want to stay high
But I’m settled in an empty room
with self care books
I hope this time it’s a womb and
not a coffin.

A dance of pull and push back
A fist encircling a heart
Clutching, Squeezing
Power on one side
Pleading on the other
Out of control
My stomach feels sick
My mind blank
Grasping toward where you were
Spirling into past comforts
Delusional daydreams
Days become memories as they happen
Irrefutable anger
Violence on the body
A mind of blame and contortion
You lay out boxes I can’t fit into
Telling me to get in
I can’t breathe, but you tell me to melt like water and flow.
All I ever wanted was some pull from you
Acceptance and patience of my becoming
But all you know how to do is push back.

You say you love me but you’re not
You say you’re going to fight and give it all you got
You say you find it hard to breathe
You say you’re mad at me but I’m the one who seethes
You say you love me but you’re not (in love with me)

          ~ Tears falling, relationship flailing, love failing… ~


You say you need a place to stay
You say you’re asking me to find another way
You say you thought about the debt
You say you’re leaving but it hasn’t happened yet
You say you need a place to stay

          ~ The time, the hurt, the pain, the drain… ~


You say you overcame the jones
You say you’ve analyzed it to the bare bones
You say you finally found the cure
You say you’re righteous, clean, happy and secure
You say you overcame the jones

          ~ Familiar lies, thin disguise, love’s demise … ~


You say you love me but you’re not
You say you’re going to fight and give it all you got
You say you find it hard to breathe
You say you’re mad at me but I’m the one who seethes
You say you love me but you’re not (in love with me)

          ~ Tears fall, relationship flails, love fails…
             Familiar lies, thin disguise, love’s demise …
             This time, this hurt, this pain, this drain…
             Time runs out… no more to gain. ~

Telephone rings
Announcing your name
Caller ID pings
This is so insane
Selfish acts of subterfuge
Leaving us both confused
Despite the tightening noose
Calling you is what I choose-
I can’t let go

“Hi, how was your day?
What’s that you say?
Have I learned by now
How to play well with others?
What? No? I don't have to bother?”
(Your words stabbing like a shiv)
“You have your own life to live
You have your own love to give-
Just not to me?”

Somber thoughts of divorce
******* all my vital force
This will be such a blow
To the people we know
As mute as a mime
Losing track of real time
Zombifying my day
Hunting for quick getaway-
But no such luck

What shall I do thus
                    ~Telephone rings

If we fail to repair us?
                    ~Announcing your name

Lament inevitable loss?
                    ~Caller ID pings

Calculate incalculable cost?
                    ~This is so insane

I’m a solid secular success
                    ~Selfish acts of subterfuge

I’m a massive mental mess
                    ~Leaving us both confused

At least the former pays the bills
                    ~Despite the tightening noose

No use in crying when milk spills-
                    ~Calling you is what I choose

What’s done is done
                    ~I can’t let go

I just feel regret unspoken
I just feel the pain
Since the day you left
My life has been a broken shell
A living hell

I just feel regret
I can't believe I let you go
It was foolish pride before the fall
The day you left when I lost all

I should have said I loved you
I should have made you stay
But I just stood in silence
And watched you walk away

And now I'm only left with my regret

Years have passed
My thoughts they haunt me
What we could have had!
Memories live in my head
But they're not real
And I feel dead

I should have held you closer
I should have made you see
The feelings I have for you
Just what you mean to me

But all I'm left with now is my regret