My Inner Critic
I've misunderstood you far too long
I used to think you ginormous
But I see you're actually small.

You're not a beast I need to hide from
But a child I must protect
Your poisonous tongue was cursed to you
From years of abuse and neglect.

When you're scared, you can be scary
To get attention, you yell mean things
You bring something up over and over again
When you know that I'm not listening.

When I look, you're stuck and screaming
Like you felt and could never express
You see danger and no one will listen
I shut you down like all of the rest.

Sweet one, I'm sorry I ran from you
I misjudged your might and will
Now I've grown and understand better
No one ever taught you the skills.

Instead you learned to fear your big feelings
Because they made you bad and unloveable
But your feelings are valid and helpful to hold
You're on fire, but you're not combustible.

The rage that electrifies your skin
Makes sense and will not destroy you
We can redirect, run through it's end
Then, together, decide what to do.

You screamed that you wanted to die
But we dyed our hair instead
You wanted to take your own life
So we've taken it into our own hands.

Big feelings will always wash over us
I know sometimes that feels like too much
But now I'll listen and we can make choices
That won't harm either of us.

I am in love with the Way you speak
the Way your mouth moves when you say my name
the Way your throat thrums when you moan at your peak
the Way your tongue touches the roof of your mouth
and down to your teeth
and your teeth
gently grazes your bottom lip
To produce sound

You tell me I should listen more.

I am like a net that collects your voice. Absorbing the word as I sit beside you.
With fixed eyes
I will not change the channel
I will sit on the couch and keep listening

They can yell, They can scream,
I'll sit silent and listen,
Because, "To be a good leader,
you have to be a good listener"
Even if they don't say things you want to hear like,
“You’re such an attention seeker.”
“You’re not worth the effort..."

I speak for hours
Ears that can hear surround me
They do not listen.

With you I share my faults

I whisper stories of who I once was.

I close my eyes while I reveal my weaknesses, hoping you don’t leave.

I speak the thoughts that have gathered dust in my head.

Each word that falls from my lips
more anxious than the last.

Your arms pull me close so I know I’m safe

You listen.