The sea ached as his waves crashed
at the barricaded shore, relentlessly
beating himself time and time again.
Not knowing when to stop,
he bellowed loudly every night
to the thunderous sky;
just to see the light again;
for that one moment of bliss.
His prayers heard, the oceans lit up;
in an instant darkness shrouded him.
A glimpse only fueled his pain.

I called out to the sea,
But it did not call me.
Sailing on its ferocious waves,
Seasick by the up and down.
The waves can sometimes be calm,
With a little breeze to push,
But then become chaotic with deadly strength.
I am on those seas with no lighthouse,
Can the journey be accomplished without it?
What seas do you ride?
Is there a lighthouse to guide you?
Will you make it across?
I cannot answer nor can I say,
For I am still riding those ferocious waves.

You tried to be my lighthouse
(though I never asked you to),
a bright, clean, unwavering beacon
that could guide me through
the most treacherous,
the most turbulent,
the most shark-infested of waters,
and bring my sea-tossed self
safely back to harbour.

How frustrating it must have been for you to watch me
- in spite of your true, benevolent light -
wrecking myself against every rock I could find,
chasing storms,
searching for mines and riptides,
hanging out where the sirens
in their tiny, iridescent-scaled bikinis
ride on barracuda.

What am I?
Just a boat on the sea.
Sailing softly with the winds gentle breeze,
I have seen rough and calm.
Soft and chaotic,
With no rest in between.
What lighthouse guides me to its safe shores?
Am I destined to ride the waves with no light?
No, maybe not, but I cannot tell the future.
You who travels paths less taken,
Those who seek refuge from the rain.
Take haste and seek quickly,
For the storm comes without warning again.
And if you cannot see, will you hear?
I am not wise but foolish,
Destitute and foolhardy.
But I will seek the lighthouse,
In order to get in before the storm.

I held your hand you gripped it hard
Wishing the pain would pass quietly
A tear fell and I wiped it slowly clear.

You were silent, mumbled thoughts
Worded in you eyes like a lighthouse
Every unspoken word was seen.

I stuck in the  knife one last time then silence.

Ramblers in the wilderness
We cant find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in the swing
Like a bull chasing the matador
is a man left to his own schemes
Everbody needs someone beside 'em
shining like a lighthouse from the sea

                                             - NEEDTOBREATHE

I formally apologize for my constant visits with my own thoughts. I'm not finding what i need to find at the bottom of a bottle or on anyone's lips. My lungs aren't blowing out my venom and I don't know how to breathe in gentler things. But this isn't meant to be a reminder or an excuse;  this is meant to be the last attempt at simpler seas. The words that leave my mouth are hollow promises of the words crawling from my fingertips, so please don't hold my mouth accountable for my unreliability.

Many messes ago, i spun you into a metaphor. This past time i told myself that you and i were a ship, but i finally found the flaw in my logic

You were never the ship

I have been drifting around in the dark, and you've been the lighthouse guiding me home.