Hope is a fictitious dream that mankind created when all everything seemed to be going downhill for them,
Just because we hide behind our "hope" doesn't mean that we have given up,
It simply means that we are believing in a lie instead of believing in our demise.
The goal of getting back up isn't to over come the obstacle,
It's to overcome our past self, the self that we know cannot continue in that same path.
It's why people change, why we struggle in life
And more importantly why we as a people would rather believe in a lie than in our past self.

This pain smacks within me
I burn from within like tilapia
On the grill grate
The world consumes me
Piece by piece, roasted!
But my face has to maintain
An erratic smile
I defend, “everything is ok”
Until
Someone sees it as it is—
A necessary lie

They say, you should always embrace what life is bringing
But with all that pain, it's just a lie
In the end, we were doomed from the beginning
In the end, we were just meant to die

This is the other me
        The fake me
                The real me
                        The screaming
                The crying
        The Chain Smoking Cigarettes so I can Hurry Up Dying

Bitterly Hopeless
Sweetly Toxic
Maybe if I stare enough
You'll finally   u n l o c k   it
The secret I've buried
The one that I wish I had never seen
The secret I've carried
I spill my veins on the floor,   u n c l e a n
Hoping my insides Drown Me
Praying you forgot the key
Because you know what I know
The lie that I told
It's Rotted And Empty
Hollow like my head could be
So hurry, run, go
Before you understand

The Worst Part
           None of it was real
I'm just
           Me  .

There needs to be a goodbye.
Inside my head at least.
There is only an endless sea of ideas that are having their feast
And I feel like drowning in it.

It is funny, because I just now am learning to swim,
At the tender age of 28.
And it was looking like I might actually be able to activate
The truth within me.

Couple months ago I have found the sense
To escape the lies.
Before that of course I was only looking for truth inside your eyes.
All I found was

A man incapable and a woman unable.

She was, well, not me.
Some twisted, cornered,
Broken version of me that I never could have imagined the honor
Of even dreaming.

She was looking for healing
In every pair of eyes,
but hers.
In every gush of wind to bring the release and the lightness
For the spirit in her soul.

And her soul, oh her soul cried.
Tired, trying to be heard,
Her soul tried every trick in the book of the earth.
And she heard.

Finally, angels praised, she awoke.
Her soul was revealing the truth she has always known.
It is dark, 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night and as always,
She is alone.

Time, much time, beyond that humanly knowable
Shrouds the lie that many monkeys wrote war and peace
Unprovable even as Ulukadu exists in a far far place
But I know it lives, is green, has a rainbow tail, and flies