I want to take my car at two a.m.
Drive to the lake 2.6 miles away
If I’m not alone, the shadows will hide them.
Under the frosted glass lamp of the moon
I rip my heart out at the seams and scream
Towards a horizon I cannot reach.
I traipse with unconscious purpose
On broken pebbles shifting underfoot
Collect the biggest, the prettiest, the best
And throw them
One by one, after the other
Relish the splash
Feel the weight of each rock leave my hand
Messy arcs into impartial waves
There goes the GPA I still want to recover
Years lost to overthinking when younger
I drain every tear I had wanted to show.
I can wander wherever the night takes me
If only I could learn to let go

it doesn't matter how much i write about it or cry about it.
it's over and that's okay.
it's okay.
i will be okay.

it was such a beautiful thing really.
i saw light when my angel and spirit told me the truth.
it was horrible and lovely at the same time and i still don't understand how okay i was throughout the whole thing.
i felt this overwhelmingly amount of clarity and acceptance.
i felt seen and heard.
the light that i saw was a light i was told i wasn't ready for until i was,
and there, i was.
i was okay, it was all okay,
i'm okay.
there was no more hurt in that moment, i can't describe it.
i felt grounded yet in the air and i felt held by every moment of happiness and stillness i've ever felt.
it was so beautiful and i felt my heart heal and the scars that were everywhere were fading,
actually fading.

And you know I truly love you
Reckless child, that's what I am.
Nonetheless,you know my heart is real
Unrequited love that's what it seems
Loving you was worth the risks
Find me in another life
One day, when the time is right.

Please forgive me for feeling this way
And for dreaming that we could run away.
Just let me love you in my own way,
And then I will slowly fade away.
Radiant and irresistible that's what you are,
In my heart, you'll remain every tick of the hour.
Let me love you as long as the sun rises in the east,
Longing for your love as long as it sets to the west.
On the other side of this life, I wish that we will never be apart.

it's autumn
the trees are letting go
of year long relationships
so why the ****
can't i

Writing poetry is writing the words I could never say to you
I must stay away from you
As I write my feelings down on this screen
For the whole world to read
You must never see
The hurt you’ve placed in me
You don’t deserve to be
The reason why my soul bleeds.