I wonder who keeps you up at night?







Certainly not me.
Not anymore.

The thought of jealousy
And the paranoia
Slowly eats me up inside
Taking over me
Bit by bit

Drifting and
Drifting
And further apart the tides will stretch us

Your love was the horizon
A steady boundary-embrace.
I can’t find you anymore

The worst of the damage is
The corrosion caused by jealousy
By loneliness and
Fear

Undermining my stability
Eroding the chains to my anchors
Lessons I should have learnt long before you
Long before
Now.

Because that’s the hardest thing to swallow, isn’t it?
That I knew this would happen because it’s happened before.

Too many times
I’ve watched the people I love drift away, tie themselves to others..
Create a spot in their hearts where I’m nothing but a memory.

And yet I let you come close.
Why
Do I torture myself like this?

“The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves. Until there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains.” –Sayuri, Memoirs of a Geisha


I bet the Furies are laughing
For such misery Fate has made me.
Anymore and I’ll do more than pitying,
A hopeless case as bad as it’ll be.

Maybe it’s all being orchestrated
And what’s missing is a cut-off thread.
Never a love like this be requited,
Oh,throw me by all means, good and dead.

No wonder, I’m gluttonous of desire,
And here, I’m Cerberus’ best feast.
Even as I struggle away from the fire,
Well,I’m still caught in the least.

Go ahead, feed on my carcass,
Likewise, suffer like Fantine.
Singing in misery till I pass,
Carry me away to a lake with pristine.

I wish then to not hear a lull,
Let that gentle hand rescue my soul.
Now my heart’s safe from hurt or fall,
Ready to be given for a better goal.

Good riddance from the hands of Eris,
But am I really cleared off?
Romance,not even found out of Paris,
Never mine to be with or to scoff.

So until then, I’ll dance alone
With an accompaniment of a shamisen,
Seeking my love to be requited on the zone
Behind a fan and mask smothered by a writer’s pen.

Don’t forget in my sleeves, a swan song
Is waiting to be released so…
Pick what appeases you for long,
Be it I’m Not That Girl, No Good Deed, or Let It Go.

And now you're traveling trough Europe with your 'friend'
And she's beautiful, and she's wonderful...
But you said you were all alone.
And what if she's more than a friend to you.
Where does that leave me?
Cause I've a feeling I ain't forgetting you for quite a while....
But I kinda need you to remember me too......

text me back to tell me that you're in

that you're in the living room,
downing gin,
sat next to an overflowing bin
whilst your flatmate plays the smallest violin

because if you're out I know you're meeting him -
(swollen from his evenings at the gym)

and I'll turn up, to tear him limb from limb,

so please text back, to tell me that you're in

I just read a quote,
it may explain why I can be so snappy
especially to people I love most,
to people I envision as perfection,
you see 'some people are so broken,
they get mad at you for being whole.'

See s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ it aches so much,
but you don't feel it.
S̶o̶m̶e̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ I find everything so hard,
but you're the one gleaming with confidence.
I'll take my digs where I can.
you see 'some people are so broken,
they get mad at you for being whole.'

It's no excuse I know,
i'm not trying to feed guilt into your perfect soul.
I just wanted to you to see,
I wont realise what i'm doing till it's done,
I will always do it,
you see 'some people are so broken,
they get mad at you for being whole.'

Even my poetry is broken,
please don't write any,
I'll only get mad.