I’d like to lay in
A lavender bed
The scent, a halo
Crowning my head
The purple flowers
Shrouding my skin
Will drink away
My poisoned sins
And though they know
That they will cease
They willingly
Absorb my grief
Their scent will slide
Their leaves- decay
And the wind will blow
My hurt away

All that becomes of us, is the antique sky above. Where liquid has been drawn from my skin, from my sweat, our sweat, and drawn upward to the clouds. Where, sunlight hits my lost expression and through it sends spectrums across my fingers. I suppose, that, what I have is beautiful and forever amongst the sky. In the breath of the winds i’ve confessed to, and drawn from my skin into my mother sea.

the things i would give to be able to lay next to you for just one more moment. as fleeting as a lost thought, as the change in winds direction. for one tenth of a second i’d give myself. to have one more breath, one more moment in between opened eyes where my skin ****** to your touch and i am strung together from feathers. light enough to hover there, amongst the heat and warmth of the silence. the warmth of the room and the love emanating from our inside bones. please know i still radiate heat from a thousand miles away, waiting to hear you breathe my name.

You told me something I hadn’t heard before
When you held me in your arms
and  whispered in my ear.
Something so different
to all the lies
From people who try to understand a feeling
That they know nothing about.
You said we’d get through this together
And promised tomorrow’s another day

I can’t hold on much longer
I think you can see it in my eyes
And the way my hands shake
I could be dying
And tomorrow seems so far away
My thoughts
are driving me insane
You tell me you’re so proud
Of the progress that I’ve made
You say I’m so strong,
But I’m not.

I may seem polished on the outside
But inside
I’m cracked like the bottles
When I drink.
If you could fix me
break me open
Pour out the poison
The stuff that’s making me ache
from every part
You could put me back together,
clean and pure.

Stitch my wounds with your love
I won’t cry if you’re my doctor
your voice will be my anaesthetic
Just kiss the incision
and tell me I’ll get better.

I’m accustomed to pain
to doubt
to shame
you don’t have to worry about hurting me

I am stitched together,
Delicately,
The yarns of long forgotten dreams
Woven with unrequited love,
I am loosely made,
Perilously close to
Unraveling,
My rainbow stitches
Change colors,
As my mind wavers daily
Between unabashed hope
And doomed darkness,
A gentle pull
At a poor yarn
Can undo them all,
Until they are a rich, radiant
Pile of memories upon the floor.

Mama it happened again
He did those things to me
made me feel ashamed
shh, it’s our little secret

Mama, don’t leave me with him
What if he comes close
If I can feel his breath on my skin
Shh, It’s our little secret

Mama trenched gashes caress me
but I can’t feel it anymore
Come a little closer, can’t you see?
Shh, it’s our little secret

Mama, I cut a little too deep,
took too many pills
Please let me fall asleep
Shh, it’s our little secret


Mama, I see you crying
"Beloved daughter and friend"
I’m not sorry,
I was so tired of trying.

Shh, it’s our little secret, our little secret, our little secret.

Drifting and
Drifting
And further apart the tides will stretch us

Your love was the horizon
A steady boundary-embrace.
I can’t find you anymore

The worst of the damage is
The corrosion caused by jealousy
By loneliness and
Fear

Undermining my stability
Eroding the chains to my anchors
Lessons I should have learnt long before you
Long before
Now.

Because that’s the hardest thing to swallow, isn’t it?
That I knew this would happen because it’s happened before.

Too many times
I’ve watched the people I love drift away, tie themselves to others..
Create a spot in their hearts where I’m nothing but a memory.

And yet I let you come close.
Why
Do I torture myself like this?