I don't talk about my problems because I don't want my problems to become yours.
I don't want you to adopt my destructive habits and thoughts. The way I avoid questions and disguise bad situations.
I don't talk about the things I have had to experience, not because I don't want you to know those things about me, but because I know that they will change you. In some way. Maybe they will change the way you see me, the way you treat me, or maybe even the way you see the rest of the world and yourself.
I don't want to tell you every detail about my relations with men because I don't want you to fear them as well.
I don't want to tell you about the harassment and torture I endured throughout the years because I don't want to reveal the things that hurt me.
I don't want to tell you about my eating disorders and the way I think because I don't want to give you an instruction manual on ******* yourself.

I avoid becoming too personal with people because it makes me vulnerable. I do not favor being used.

I get irrationally angry when I see that my friends are going through the same problems as me. Maybe it is because I care about them, or it could be because I am jealous. I honestly don't know.

I feel like I am doing a lot and not enough at the same time, and I hate myself for it. I punish myself with restless nights of crying and bleeding, torture myself with challenges against successful people, push myself to the brink of pain and defeat because I know I am cable of being successful. So why do I not just do more?

Jealousy
The state or feeling of being jealous
Jealous
Feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages
Jealousy is a horrible feeling
Especially when you have no right to be jealous in the first place
When you break up, stop talking, whatever you want to call it
Any right you have to that person vanishes into thin air
Regret eventually will seep through your skin
Down into your bones
And God does it hurt
Jealousy will stop you dead in your tracks
Leaving you in a standstill
Without the ability to move on
Get over
Forget about
Everything
And it ******* *****
Seeing them with someone else
Who's prettier
Funnier
Smarter
Just plain better
It makes you want to crawl into the familiar embrace of your bed
And cry like you have so many times before
And sleep the ugly thoughts away
But there's no escaping them
They show up in your serene dreams
Transforming them into horrible, ugly, gut-wrenching nightmares
That make you scream so much your throat becomes raw
But in the morning you still get out of bed
Because that is what is expected and required of us
Because there's no place in the world for someone that can't even force themselves out of bed
Sadly it's not socially acceptable for you to sleep your life away
So you get up and face the world yet again
Just for those ugly thoughts to come back again
And again
And again
It ******* ***** man

What am I feeling?
It is... something weird.
It feels like, something's wrong,
It's me, Just being jealous.

Do I have the right?
To feel it that way?
Yes, I think so,
But stopping you, I think not.

It seems natural,
Anyone would feel the same.
Seeing the one they love,
Being with others, enjoying their time.

Here I am, watching you two,
While being fun, while teasing each other.
I can't help it, I feel lonely,
Just by looking, looking at you.

I wish that it is I,
The one that you are happy with.
I wish that was I,
The person that you are laughing with.

With every smile and laugh you do,
I still feel happy.
Even though it feels like,
A knife through my chest.

Again, do I have the right?
Or it just seems offhand?
I don't know what's right,
Or maybe, nothing was really right.

I ask for glass of what SHE has
When it is given to me, I still feel unsatisfied
The moment jealousy is redeemed,
Nothing but regret is to be held against my own head.

Fatal weaponry along with a symbol of love,
but what love is to ****?
Deadly decisions made by a person jealous of love,
but what's there to gain if you **** the one you love?
Traumatizing scenes wreck havoc within the family,
but why do this to the family of the person you love?

Death.

The beautiful soul of a human being completely starved of the substance to life.
The delicate heart made to suffer because of your jealousy.
The intelligent mind punished for wisely not choosing you.

Love.

The funeral - largely decorated in roses.
Each and every couple left distraught.
Trust in relationships rapidly declining.

The rose - widely used to portray love,
but from now on it will be fearfully avoided due to the meaning you've placed on "love".
Guns n Roses.

"Guns don't **** people, people **** people."

i'm jealous
jealous of the darkness
and the way it consumes you
and how it makes up most of you

i want to be able to embrace you and own a part of you - just as the darkness does

i'm jealous
jealous of the light
and the way it lives within your heart
and how it's the only bit of hope within you

i want to be able to live in your heart and be the one who gives you hope - just as the light does

I want what you have
Which was originally mine
But I also love you
I can’t bring myself to do that

I could easily have it back
At the price of friendship
But I also love you
I can’t bring myself to do that

I let you enjoy it with me
Yet you took more than I wanted
That feeling of betrayal...
I love you but you hurt me

Is this how jealously forms?
I am never jealous.
Why am I jealous now?
Because my best friend stole my love of my life…

Without knowing it.

I envy other writers, with their uncanny ability to weave together their thoughts into beautiful stories. I have only the fleeting snippets of memories lost to time, the forgotten tales of characters who never got to be. I wonder if these authors are plagued by their fabrications, not given respite until their very creations’ voices are heard. Do they dream of others lives as if it were their own and become disoriented when their memories become poisoned by these dreams? I feel more than envy, I feel bitter, for their lives lay untainted by their own literary sons and daughters.