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Zoe Byrd Feb 2018
Being suicidal is exhausting
Being perpetually exhausted makes me want to go to sleep and not wake up
It makes me not want to wake up in the morning
Because I'm just waking up to another nightmare
One that I can't escape
In sleep you're whisked away to another world
And eventually that world will fade away
Forgotten and discarded
But the one we live in doesn't
Being suicidal is an ugly cycle
That's almost impossible to escape
Sometimes there is a dim light that can lead you out of the darkness
But more often than not the darkness consumes you
Zoe Byrd Feb 2018
Jealousy
The state or feeling of being jealous
Jealous
Feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages
Jealousy is a horrible feeling
Especially when you have no right to be jealous in the first place
When you break up, stop talking, whatever you want to call it
Any right you have to that person vanishes into thin air
Regret eventually will seep through your skin
Down into your bones
And God does it hurt
Jealousy will stop you dead in your tracks
Leaving you in a standstill
Without the ability to move on
Get over
Forget about
Everything
And it ******* *****
Seeing them with someone else
Who's prettier
Funnier
Smarter
Just plain better
It makes you want to crawl into the familiar embrace of your bed
And cry like you have so many times before
And sleep the ugly thoughts away
But there's no escaping them
They show up in your serene dreams
Transforming them into horrible, ugly, gut-wrenching nightmares
That make you scream so much your throat becomes raw
But in the morning you still get out of bed
Because that is what is expected and required of us
Because there's no place in the world for someone that can't even force themselves out of bed
Sadly it's not socially acceptable for you to sleep your life away
So you get up and face the world yet again
Just for those ugly thoughts to come back again
And again
And again
It ******* ***** man
Zoe Byrd Nov 2017
It's amazing how
Just a year ago from now
I was best friends with a person
Talked non stop to a person
And now I can't even remember
their existence
No, it's not that I just forgot their name,
Or maybe even just what they
looked like
No, I forgot about their entire existence
Their name, their appearance, their
personality, their everything
On one hand, there might only be a
few people like this
But on the other hand, there could be
hundreds
Because my mind is not infinite
And when stretched thin
I start forgetting things that are
deemed unimportant or irrelevant
And it's a **** shame that turned
out to be you, and him, and her, and
who knows who else
It's a **** shame
I've forgotten all the funny jokes
that were told
Including those jokes you'd only
dare laugh at with your closest
friends
You know, those kind of jokes
It's a shame I forgot
The deep conversations we had at
3 in the morning when I couldn't
hold my eyes open but I also
couldn't stand the though of not
talking to you
I'm sad to say I've forgotten all the
meaningless conversations we had too
The kind where you just keep talking
about absolutely nothing just so
you can hear their voice
It's a shame I've forgotten all the
happy moments I've shared
with these faceless, nameless
people
Because those were the happiest
moments of my life
And I wouldn't trade the world for
them
But it's a shame all the bad times
were forgotten too
Yeah.  I know.
We all want to forget the bad moments
When we cried, got angry, and felt
bitter because of things we could
not have
Those moments are not the ones we
usually wish to hold on o
But nevertheless they are precious,
priceless, irreplaceable moments of
our lives
That only exist for us and the ones
we shared them with
But yet, that moment doesn't really
exist for them too?  Does it?
When all of these moments are
neglected, forgotten, looked over
They cease to exist
Lost forever in a black sea of
nothingness
There's no getting them back
There's no restore button
No history you can look through
where you can just click a link and
magically go back to where you
were
I know these moments can be
hideous, dreadful, appalling
moments
But like I said, I wouldn't trade
anything for them
Because of them I am where I am
today
And sure, that might not be a great
place right now
But it's better than where I could be
So trust me when I say it's a ****
shame that those moments and
those people are gone
Because at one point, they were
everything to me
And I mean everything
But now I can remember nothing
Zoe Byrd Oct 2017
A girl with an eating disorder
With a monster trapped inside her
Drowning in a world of
Scales
Diet Pills
Alcohol
And perfection
Trying to reach out
And find the help that she so desperately needs
But instead she is met with
Disbelieving, supportive parents
Distrustful, but sometimes helpful staff
And anorexic, bulimic girls
Just like her
Girls along the same journey she is
On the road to recovery
Some get better
Some give up
Because you can not help a person
who does not want to be helped
It is not easy
Will never be easy
But she must push through the pain and suffering
Just like you and I have to
wrote this for a reading challenge at my school. inspired by J. J. Johnson's Believarexic (such a good book def recommend)
Zoe Byrd Oct 2017
The soft melody flows
through the speakers
and into our souls
Soothing our aching hearts
and worrying minds
The steady beat synchronising
with our own
Taking us away
into another world
Full of pale pastels
and soft tapestries
And fluffy clouds
and green green grass
Zoe Byrd Oct 2017
I met you through a friend of a former friend
And I found myself in you
All the insecurities and emotions I feel
I see reflected back at me
You put words to the thoughts and feelings I can't explain
You amaze me
Even if you're a disappointment to yourself
You're someone I can tell everything to
Someone who understands
because you go through, have went through the same stuff as me
And even more so
I found myself in you
And there are not enough words
that I could say to thank you enough for that
  Sep 2017 Zoe Byrd
Sally A Bayan
(Early Mornings)


It is 4:10 AM
Here i am, facing you...
Haven't showered...haven't brushed...haven't gurgled
Too early to look...but, i could not resist seeing
This person with disheveled hair
Eyes are not too willing to open
Avoiding the uncertainty surfacing...slowly but surely
Making itself known, this morning so early...
An empty shell, is what i could see
A looming nonentity...

No coffee yet, but, the eyes already speak
You don't answer, your looks are so bleak
That is how you tell me i am  stubborn
But i've been this way since birth...so torn
You tell me, i am just in denial
In front of you, it is like, i am on trial
But, i am just a mortal
Maybe we are both tired
How can we ever go back to being inspired?
Maybe you'd rather shatter into pieces...like i would,
I'd carefully gather your shards...would you gather mine, if you could?

Now, later, tonight, tomorrow...we always face each other
There are days, when i look at you, you make me smile, i feel better!
But, most times, i hate the reflections, they make me glare
And i so despise the thoughts that ensue...i counter your stare
..... I close my eyes, with a plea,
A blink could not erase, the images that i see..

I have never wanted separation
And yet, Fate brought me here, in isolation
You're my silent pal...my silent witness
You say nothing when i become senseless
I leave you in the morning
I come home from work in the evening
And i find you still here... on this wall
Welcoming me home...where i just sit, or stall
Faint jazzy sounds comfort me
A few hours rest...late at night...i sleep...i am free
Then, again, the alarm ruins the stillness of the moment
Robs the dawn of its precious silence
And i rise...to drown anew in despondency...in self pity,
Or is this lunacy?
All i see is gray...and black
Be it dawn...or dusk.

If  ever i surrender
I'd be swamped with the stark truth, the reflections you offer
...this can't be a facade,
...in front of you, it's just too bad

I am

U n m a s k e d...

....I am weak, powerless...i crawl
Over and over, i struggle not to fall,
Over and over, i  look at you... but, just the same..i fall.

         (January 22, 2015)


Sally

Copyright May 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
*** Depressing old notes......no happy endings here...
      I heard, and wrote someone else's thoughts... never thought I would find myself in some situations within...***
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