I cannot sleep, my mind races. Tumultuous, colours and sounds racing against an indecisive current. Does everyone think this way? Thoughts too fast to catch, to read, to understand. Floundering in a bankless plane of water with neither tide nor stream to guide it. I wish it was still. Still for me to concentrate. Still for me to be at peace. To still this anxiety. To sleep.

I blink the room to a distant light source,
the power shifts, a balance or blue and black,
Black and blue goes my heart,
as my mind argues if I did everything,
right,
My eyes know this haze, heavy workload has weighed down these lids,
Unable to scavenge, left to rely on a system that tends to repeat,
that tends to repeat,
I blink the room becomes a distant light source,
No matter how far I can feel it's indifference,
1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi,
Is the distance between me and the next crash,
Sipping on the adrenaline kicker,
find,
That between the moment of here and now is a very long time,
1 Apple, 2 Apple, 3 Apple, 4 Apple,
Seconds don't always repeat,
What should I do today?
I blink the lights to a blue a lot of us know.

Acute to the place from where my regret will stem
It's 4:30 AM: my thoughts condemn
Anxiety floods my synapses

Regret is a dish best served deceived
With my own two ears, I heard the truth
But, I still had not believed

I speak from a place of squandered ambition
Of fecklessly feeble, and imprudent volition
I buried my treasure, and forgot where it was when I turned around

Indulging my sloth, my lust, and pride
My conscience was seemingly silent
Though many times, I should have died

I sold my costly soul at once, to buy a gin and tonic
Hello my name is Adam, and I'm a hopeless alcoholic
So, at 4:30 AM: my thoughts condemn

And, my tenuous will fell asleep already...

It's been three sunrises since my eyes have closed
Ain't had a drink in one long week
There's toil and trouble, my brain is like rubble
My vision is blurry
Mine eyes doth see double

My conscience has not been acquitted
I sold it to the highest bidder
My brain is a mess, a pawn within chess
By my demons, I've been slighted
There's much to confess

Ambition had been twisted in unscrupulous knots
I stared blankly at the ceiling until the sun rose
My mind is a maze; I've been up for days
My stomach is empty
My demons sing praise

I haphazardly buried my reckless past
Indeed, it repaid me with a cruel vengeance
Collecting my fears through so many years
I've poisoned my body
With too many beers...

My mind descends
Into the whirlwind of mania
Enslaving me to its whims.
No matter how drained
My spirit may be
I cannot seek rest
For it is a stranger to me.
I’ve been tired for hours,
Maybe even years.
But even if I lay like a corpse,
Still and silent,
Barely even breathing,
I remain awake.
No matter how heavy
My eyelids become
Or how sluggish
My thoughts are,
Sleep
Seems to always evade me.