I cut the chords from my throat,

Presenting them as a

Gift in homage to the

Gods of the citidel, burying my

Resentment with the

Bones of my ancestors.



I ripped the nerves from my face,

Offering my apathy to the

Wraiths that would prey on the

Bitterness of mute lamentation .



I tore the veins from my arm,

Freeing the hidden

Tears that flowed like a

Creek over my

Wrist and into silver phial.


I dipped my quill in the phial

And let the

Shadows hear the

Sound of my voice.



©Nathan A. Brock

Parents arranged my marriage with a girl.
I liked her at first sight—young and chirpy.
And I made up my mind to marry her soon.

In the followup to the marriage,
We interacted with each other,
In the beginning, I liked her.

Soon, courtship turned one-sided,
I was the only one interested,
Insulting me, she started.

She had a problem with quick love.
Berated me for saying it so soon,
She told me to behave mature.

I accepted her remarks,
The criticism of my ways,
I focused on all my means.

I proudly told her that I didn't give up.
The coma-inducing accident, and
Injuries couldn't reduce me.

I told her about how I literally won a war,
A war against time and disability,
The doctors labeled me as 42% challenged.

"But I didn't give up," I told her.
I defeated my disability,
And all of their speculations.

When I passed into that coma,
After the accident, I'd die,
They had speculated.

When they diagnosed me 42%,
I will do some easier work,
They all had guessed.

They wanted me to drop out of college,
Oh, they want me to be humble,
Be humble and accept fate.

Not that the other job is easier,
But they wanted me to set up a shop,
For daily needs, stationery & photocopy.

Even my mother wanted me to drop out.
Leave the B.Tech. Biotech incomplete,
Opt for an easier course instead.

But I told her that I didn't give up,
No, I did not; I did not give up.
I fought my way to the top.

I cleared my B.Tech. degree in Biotechnology,
Not only that degree, but my story continues,
Attained an M.Tech. in Animal Biotechnology.

I initiated a PhD in Animal Biotechnology,
However, I had to quit it due to COVID19,
I lost my opportunity due to the pandemic.

But she, out of her own regret,
Regretted about not being able,
To clear exams, me she insulted.

"People with disability achieve more."
I felt belittled, but she continued,
"They even crack UPSC-CSE."

I'm not disabled since birth.
No, I'm not, I'm not, I told her.
This disability I acquired in 2010.

I told her the same,
But she did not realise it.
How wrong she was.

How she had insulted me and my struggles,
I can't marry her,
The man I am today is after my struggles.

Though she loved my poetry,
The 'Angel?' Saga the most,
But she insulted my history.

She even compared my life against others.
As if she knows all the people like me,
My dreams shattered due to that accident.

No, she knows everyone not,
She doesn't know others who gave up.
Look at me; I didn't give up, but I'm victorious.

But she was not impressed.
She is rigid and argumentative.
Never going to apologise & accept.

I told her mother that I couldn't marry her.
Why? Because she doesn't know humility.
Obviously, she can never respect me either.

She wanted me to respect her.
She thought that only hers matters.
Because I live in the inferiority complex.

Her worth to you is far greater than mine
And perhaps her love for you as well
You tell me I'm yours, this is true
But these thoughts weight down on my mind

Names flash across your screen
I wonder who it could be?
Heart pounding with curiosity
Though I dare not take a peek

Blind my eyes and close my ears
Don't think too hard, it'll bring you to tears
Though I've seen those pictures still online
And I hear those whispers that are said so carefully

Almost as if they are afraid,
Of c r u s h i n g my heart

With words of comfort, he tells me silence
"You are wonderful, You are beautiful "
But the voices that scream tell me otherwise, crying out
Y O U  W I L L  N E V E R  B E  E N O U G H

Even if my heart is riddled with fear
Inferiority to the girl who once stood
I'll try my hardest to live up to her
To receive the same love and the same worth



But still.... it hurts


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