i want to dance nonchalantly in a dust-ridden library
to all the cheesy ol' love songs from 1953,
with someone just as lost in the world's rapid haze as me

in the lazy afternoon sunlight of early spring
we could smile at the clouds messy formations in pink
ask ourselves if nature was really meant to be so god-**** pretty
while staring at each other with unspoken mutuality

sometimes i wonder
whether a person like that will ever come across me
or if this will stay a hopeless romantic's daydream forever

we'll see.

© fey (26/03/20)

The Restriction of Movement was extended for another 14 days.

Another 14 days to overthink this existence.

One day.

One day, I'll know peace.
One day I will know love, maybe.
One day,  my existence will cease,
One day the reaper will come for me.

My mind is going to a place, where everything is black.
My sanity is going away again, and it's not coming back.
I wanna cry like a lost baby
I tell myself I love my life,
Its a lie I tell myself daily.

I am alive, but my spirit feels dead.
I'm breathing, but every breath is filled with dread.

One day,  my existence will cease,
One day my reaper will come for me.

Thomas James Tom
3/5/2019

Every exhale, a little bit of you leaves me.
Like poison leaving my body.
Every day, it gets a little easier to breathe again.
I don’t know how long I’ve spent holding my breath.
But I feel it.
I feel the air fill my lungs.
I feel myself learn how to breathe again.
To be me again.
At one point I thought you were the air.
It turns out you were the smoke that filled my lungs.

There is nothing left for me to say, all there is for me is to just do what I’ve been doing. Hold in my abundance of pain and stay quite just to keep you tranquil and pleased.
I’m constantly in dejection, worrying about if your being mendacious towards me. I feel like nothing compared to her, I feel like nothing compared to the majority of the girls you know but I still claim to be okay when they’re around.
You are Persistently getting texts and Snapchats, DMs and calls from girls who are better then what I’ll ever be.
When she texts you I have to fight the urge to ask what you are both talking about, hoping just ******* hoping your not planning on leaving me for her.
All though I already feel replaced and unwanted, I still try to hold on and believe you when you say you love me.

My mind's a quarantine, I'm isolated now
I've broken hope within, my hopeless state of art
Abandon what I seek, that ship has sailed away
I dance upon my grave, at nights I try to pray
But  as the shadows grow, they laugh right in my face

The ceiling stays the same, I imagine the sky.
All of the stars I've never seen
Will I see them when I die?
The silence pierces ears
In the shadow of the night
My mind is quarantined
Sick of being alive

tell me how
the most broken
beaten down
torn up
stripped to the flesh
people

could ever get back up
brush off the dirt
and carry on
like nothing ever
happened.

Every night i lie awake in bed
With thoughts flowing through my head
Every night at the stars i gaze
At how they shine and sparkle so beautifully
Little by little the stars start to lose their shimmer
And my brain is filled with the thought of me always being the almost but never the always