"I just want to have ***", you said.
An unexpected non-sequitur.
We had been sipping tea or coffee or something.
We had been reminiscing about the old street,
Back when none of us were single.
"yeah, I miss it, too", I said.

"No.  I mean right now", you corrected.
As I turned to see your face, it betrayed little.
Impassive but alert.  Warm but not intimate.  No passion.
I was willing, but remember: this never happened to me.
Something seemed wrong about it,
But was there any harm?

I asked if I could think about it.
You thought about it, too, as we watched a movie.
Halfway through some Ridley Scott epic, we held each other.
We touch-explored and memory only tells me this is true:
With no further reason beyond the will to be,
I soon lay naked there with you.  
It wasn't love but, then again,
This never happened.
Awkward, at first, we found our place,
Our touch and pull, our rhythm and pace.
"no kissing", you admonished, speaking only that.

Though I rest spent and full inside you,
That was your concern.
Too personal.
Too intimate.

We held each other for a while,  you left within the hour,
Saying, "this never happened", and my only thought,
My only answer to you,
Was a solemn confirmation,
That nothing could be more true.

Vulnerable smile, cherubic.    Vessel in the well.
  Watery eyes. First tooth.         Nameless relation.
    New birth. Memories.             New joys. Old pain.
       Overflowing love.                    Half-voice. Kin-sister.

Stars, crackling up in the creux.          A relation called
Nights. Angling; moon.                 brumeux love, half-hug,
Nets wide cast; comets pass.                folded in the wallet.

Pouring out. Half-gong.      Calling to the valleys.
Brook. Shadowy corners.    Tongues, welling up
Delight, discovery.               voices, hushed whispers
Bleating with the sheep,      hymns rising.
crying with the birds,          Conjunctions of states.
whirling with the winds;    Conjurer of fawns.

Casting; soil; roots; new growings;
smiling, spiralling around the hollow,
new life; a cherub, the new dawn.

Promise me
When my hands begin to tremble
You’ll place your hand in mine
When my eyes become hollow
You’ll gaze into them
When I’m at a loss for words
You’ll kiss me so the silence
Can speak for the both of us.

They stop playing the drum
When I rather they not
For then - I tend to go numb

My feelings experience a clot
Blocking any emotions getting through
So they begin to rot -

In their place - apathy begins to brew
Boiling happiness - and fear - away
Hollowed out soul is to ensue

What can be done to delay the decay?
Why nothing at all - don't be dumb
Give in to the void and turn grey

That's what I did - it's pretty glum.
Oh God, what have I become -

I am hollow and afraid
I wonder - do they see my pain?
I hear echoes of the rain
the downpour inside my brain
I see the drops falling down
I want to stop them, but
I am hollow and afraid

I pretend I am fine, but
I feel very far from fine
I run my fingers through my hair
I fear judgement, everywhere
I cry inside, but only there, for
I am hollow and afraid

I know they say "life is a wonder"
I say life is a four-letter-word
I dream of death, desolation, disaster
I just want it all to end, because
**I am so hollow, and so afraid

I'm laying my ragged twisted
       insides in the ground
   Mourning the death
           As if my soul has gone to hell
    And my heart
             Has died slowly
      And painfully
   But my body
         Is still here
   But hollow and black
        Through and though
Just flowing through
         The paces
   Just waiting for **death

Visions of perfection always corrupt my head
The dreams I have where hope is fulfilled is dead
My wrist are marked with every unanswered prayer I've ever said

The luggage I carry are under my eyes
A minute I lay awake in bed for every lie
I'm too strong to broken
I'm too worn down to be repaired
Victim I'll never be
Those pearly gates aren't meant for me
I'd rather walk lifeless for eternity

your hollow words
reveal the subtle lies
and if they were stars,
your lies would be scattered
across  the sky.

infinite universes find life in
your constellation of lies.
how can the voice that spoke words of love
seem so empty and hollow?

action speak louder than words,
and your heart lies inactive and cold.
what or who are you waiting for?
I know for certain that it's not me.

Rise in the morning,
Fall back without a fight,
Right back into the night,
Falling 'till the mourning,

As the emptiness grows,
Time simply slips into the void,
The endless repetitions only shows,
Please the people, please the android,

The rain has been pouring,
Yet, the glass hasn't filled,
Though, never has it spilled,
And the answer they are ignoring,

No one knows,
Oh, the hollowness that exists,
The endless repetitions only shows,
These the worlds, these the cysts,

There has been given a warning,
Of this their creations of great sleight,
To achieve such false height,
But, still their hearts they are adorning,

And so it goes and goes,
While they raise their fists,
Right until the final throws,
The world fades into mists,

Meaningless is this warring,
Of a world that remains untilled,
Of dreams that remain unfulfilled,
Look on vacuous, look on abhorring,

As the emptiness grows,
Time simply slips into the void,
The endless repetitions only shows,
Please the people, please the android,

Rise in the morning,
Fall back without a fight,
Right back into the night,
Falling 'till the mourning.