That warming connection,
an apprehensive touch,
do I let abandonment take hold,
or show how much I care,
My interest, my desire
To learn how every piece of you functions,
And glides gracefully through this struggle of mortality.

i.

If I could, I would tie promises around
each and every one of your fingertips, so that
the next time you scale the side of a mountain,
and begin to feel your grip slowly melting away
from between the cracks of the earth, as gravity
nudges you to take the long way down,

you would remember that there are hands
waiting to catch you if you do take that fall,
and realize that the strongest ropes are those
with kerns wreathed in the heartstrings of first love,
and a mantle webbed in the colors of daybreak
and the hopes carried by new tomorrows.

ii.

If I could, I would write love letters
across your arms, so that the next time
you feel as if the world is taking so much
more than you could give, and your hands
have nothing left to hold but pieces crumbled
under the weight of pain and frustration,

you would see the words carefully pulled out
one by one from the splintered chest of a girl
who once held you in her arms, and remember
that someone’s heart still beats to the syllables
of your name, and that the ink never dries out
as long as the writer never stops writing.

iii.

If I could, I would tuck metaphors
behind your ears, so that the next time
you try to swallow your sorrows, and end up
locking yourself away in a lonely silence
trapped with the words you want to say
and deprived of those you need to hear,

you would slowly make out the tides of life
crashing against the shore in cadence with
the ebb and flow of ‘I’m okay’ and ‘I’m not’,
and allow your burning reality to be painted over by
the full spectrum of love and loss, give and take —
finding beauty even in the fault in our stars.

iv.

If I could, I would wrap your heart in a blanket
woven with raw poetry and tender lullabies,
so that the next time you come home late
from a long day at work, and collapse on a mattress
as cold as the words ‘good’ and ‘night’ gone stale
after being left to dry on the empty side of the bed,

you would drift into a dream sweeter
than laughter and stardust drizzled all over
our fondest memories, and wake up to the sunlight
spilling meaning back into ‘good’ and ‘morning’,
as you start the day taking in all the warmth
of being loved and of always being loved.

If my words could paint you in colour
They'd portray no saint, nor scholar
I'd hazard to say
That to paint you this way
Would do you and I no favours
I'll savour- the best of you always
And all your little ways
In all your raggedy, shaggedy
Scrawny glory
Charmless charming, harmless
How you could tell a good story
All the while
That cheeky smile
Broadens wide
Up mostly the left side of your face
At the insulting joke you just cracked
Humour was one thing you never lacked
That scruffy beard that
You'd shave once a year
It was rare you'd be seen
All trimmed and pristine
Your footie shirts all bright and baggy
Hang loose on thin frame- all saggy
I'm always reminded
Of your pose when confounded
Skinny shoulders shrugged up pinned up
to your jaw line
That bottom lip pouted out, image burned in my mind

When was the first time
You stood on the sideline
And ignited unmatched passion?
Flaming crazed enthusiasm
Your supreme love for that game
An infatuation that bordered on insane!
You could have every detail memorised
You could recount, recite and itemise
Every player, every score, you knew it all
My word did you love football!

You loved animals too,
The farmer’s life would’ve suited you
Wish you could go back and stay
Somewhere you could drive tractors all day


It was easy to lose sight of you
Both you and I sometimes lost you from view
Now I won't let go of you ever
But we must let go of guilt forever
Remember good times we shared
Times we both showed we cared
Your good heart was easy to find
When you were clear in mind
The imprint you've left on my soul
Makes me a better me, makes whole
My life now has a hole that I cannot fill
But my heart always had you
And always will

I sense and ending in the air;

And yet not clearly defined, but it's there.

Never came close to to closeness, for my fragments of reality shower my shattering heart.... How can this be right, dreams like melting ice within my mind.

How do I hold on?

Yet-

How do I let go?

Didn't sharp my pencil.
Years went by until...
One day, I did,
and .... WHAT A NOISE!!!!

No one has ever held me
The way that you do
No one has ever whispered
Sweet nothings in my ear
Or stayed up
And talked about
Silly things
While holding each other
Maybe
Just maybe
This is what love
Is suppose to feel like

I attempt to find comfort
In my fascination with death
I need to know there is a reward
For loving you even after you'd left
I lay my head on a cold tombstone
Caressing it lightly I almost feel warmth
I swear i hear your heart beat in my ears
But its only the cause of me holding my breath

I see you
I see that tear burning in the back of your eyes
When you say its okay I do not care
I see the sadness that you carry
When you act strong
I hear the pain in your voice
When you speak to me and say your fine
I see the lonliness at night when you
Hold your pillow so tight
wishing your holding someone tonight