I couldn't help but smile when you talked, something contagious in your voice that sent bubbles through my stomach.
you didn't think you were attractive, and I guess I didn't think I was either....
but god, you had no idea.
everything about you was beautiful, from your hazel eyes to your red hair, every word you spoke was like honey, and I was getting more and more stuck every time we talked.
it didn't take me long before I knew....
I knew you were the one I wanted to fall asleep beside,
the one I wanted to hold hands with through life,
the one I wanted to tell my day too.
and all it took was your honeydew voice....

Scent of ocean on his hair,
Im so far
yet it pierces my chest.
Smell of crushed leaves,
On his fingers which he'd snapped to get
my attention
Telling me that I'd been zoned out,

It was his smile, a little tired
Lack of sleep, or a tough day I couldn't decide
Are you ok was just the surface,
Yet I hesitate to scratch it, let it made a scar.
Dance of a few words, and a few hellos
and goodbyes
Hallway interactions with unsure glances
But the sparkle in his eyes compliments
the harmonies in my soul
And though I promised to,
I couldn't let go of the strings.

Blue is how I feel about you....
Blue is how cold my blood runs whenever I think about you.
Blue and black is the colour of the sky and rain the night you told me you were leaving, the night you chose to not be with me.
Blue were your eyes that I so willingly drowned in.
Blue is now my only emotion.
when I think about you, my eyes flash with blue.... when the sky so bright and beautiful crowds over me.
Blue is how I die, remembering you.

Like a drug I craved you.
I needed to feel your skin pressed against mine, it was a addiction I could not break.
the way your eyes would move over me made me wanna beg on my knees for you.
any part would do.... your mere attention fulfilled me.
I didn't read the warning label when I opened you and took a taste.
forgot that all medication has side affects.
but yours was more fatale.... more dangerous than anything I had ever experienced before.
you brought me to this line coasting between life and death, so close to falling, but I didn't care. how was I supposed to when it felt so good?
but I knew you were bad the minute I knew I may not be able to live without you.... finally realizing how I was beyond addicted while I was little to no meaning to you.
I knew you would leave, I had no doubt in my mind....
so why couldn't I spare myself the heartache and go first?
why did I stay and let you destroy me?

I couldn't tell you....
so I would lay in bed at night and dream that you were holding me, whispering endlessly in my ear about random nothings full of silent every things.
I couldn't tell you....
so I'd write about you, endlessly with meaningful rhythm.
making sure I get every thought in.... how you'd smile at me in the moonlight, trying to find words that expressed the way you'd laugh, or how your eyes would do that thing when you were confused.
I couldn't tell you....
so every time your name came up I felt an earth quake start to form in the middle of my chest. trying everything to disguise the pain that had rooted there from your absence.
I couldn't tell you....
so I let all these feelings take me over.... it wasn't supposed to be you, and I knew that. but what was I supposed to do? tell myself I was wrong?
so I did what any sane person would do....
locked away that aching pain to go out and pull you close, shoved the idea that you maybe feel the same so far down that it drowned in it's own hope eventually killing itself.
I couldn't tell you.... so I let it **** me.

Most of knowing each other these days is acknowledgement
Smiling, waving, a head nod
We don’t talk as much as I’d like, but
I don’t have it in me to reach out in earnest
You’ve probably noticed the distance
Occasional texts and shared media make up
The meaningful moments we’ve shared
For a while - it’s been a bit more than a while now
But I still like you
I probably love you, I do, but y’know
We both work so much
And we don’t work together
We haven’t for years now
It’s crazy it’s years now
When you and I live
Not an hour apart
If it’s more - maybe walk faster
I don’t know - anyway

You should know what’s on my walls
I should know your new address
The way your monitor is angled
All the games that you’ve been playing
Your whole setup must be like
Y’know, the feng shui has to be just - yeah

I don’t invite you to much anything
These days you wouldn’t like it here
I do, of course, but it’s not us
And I love us y’know
You and I immersed in games or
Movies, shows, or something
Some expression of ourselves
Expressed by someone else
You point out which one’s me and
There you are engaging with me
We don’t even have to do whatever
We did on the screen
They did us for us

so there's this boy....
his eyes are pool's of blue I'd so willingly drown in.
And when he smiles I just can't help but stare and smile too.
so there's this boy....
And let me tell you, I can see it all.
I can see how he'll look at me early in the morning when we first wake up, or how late at night he'll pull me close.
I see all the love that would be shared between us, the late movie night's and early breakfast's before work.
sometimes I feel like we could be holding an eternity of possibilities in our hands.
so there's this boy....
And you may not believe me but he's got a heart of gold.... it shines through everything he does.
how he talks to people, conversating like it's the best part of his day. it's in all the little things you wouldn't notice if you didn't truly look. but it's in everything he does.
so there's this boy....
And I can't seem to stop thinking about him.... and he probably doesn't even know.
but I'm telling you there's this boy and every time he comes to mind, I get a glimpse of what we truly could be.

I grip the stained pen....
trying to stay in between the lines.
my hands are shaking, palms sweaty.
pressing the metal ball down towards the crumpled paper, pressing and pressing but nothing comes out....
a tear falls from my cheek as the dry cartridge remind me of you.
stall notebooks lining my book shelf.
I need the ink to bleed from me as you did
but the words are gone since you left.

This that "cause you said that , now I'm not speaking to you",
This that "you took too long to reply so I'm done with you".
This that "you ain't **** getting her pregnant rodney",
This that "oh now you don't remember me? Then *******!",

Where did we go so wrong with communicating?
These apps are not stimulating no more,
Its just irritating,
I get like 2 matches a day and still nobody said ****?
Waste of time isn't it?
Time to set boundaries and benefits,
At this rate , I just want friends,
Why can't loneliness end?
at least don't pretend saying what was really meant,
Its not rocket science looking within someone's soul,
But if their heart is blacker than black and milds , then I'm gone,
If I call you a ***** on this phone , then I would be wrong,
Right?
Don't call me when you and ya' hubby get into a , fight,
We all got problems that need to be solved increasing the rates of cheating and brawls,
You wanna be him, she wanna be her,
Y'all know y'all both can't have it all,
On the internet looking like fine ****,
But Whats fine **** to the spiritual,
Iykyk we ain't liberals,
Time to build our people up in general.