i waited for you
and it’s not fair to ask
but i’m astonished that you’ve waited too

no one seems to invest in anything
a risky bet is not for the faint of heart
years of agony have fixed that fear for me
no longer can i practice inaction
for the safe bet of sorrow
is waiting for me in bed

this morning you awoke before i did
the emptiness my bed provides me
repulsed me
and i can promise you that without you
my impulses will always have me search
for the parts of you in everything
like i did when i waited

don’t ever come back
you left and that’s fine
it’s always been fine to me
i should have cheated on you
because as confusing as it was
i never loved you
you never wanted me
what you think you hold
this guiding beacon of myself
that i held onto dear
what you stole
and **** on
isn’t my only grace
if only you were to face yourself
for the **** *******
living behind those empty ******* words
bending the truth and reality
with all your disgusting lies
your departure left few and heavy cries
like a dead great uncle
you meant nothing to me

kiss away my pain
softly please
all i can ask for
is that you don’t hate my dismay
because somehow someway
after yesterday
when you kissed me
i got the rush
that i once felt in the dizzy of our laughter
and this morning it hasn’t gone away

i wish for my own good
but my truth is the weight of my option

i’ve only found that my true illumination
comes from darkness that covers my sight
from the pressure created inside