All you are is a ghost
from my past
But no matter what
you won't stop haunting me

it's raining today
bouncing off the roof and glass
of this 100 year old building
the room is eerily dark
as only faint Sun makes it through the skylight
the ghosts whisper and shuffle about
the cat is timid and disappears under the bed
the hum of early traffic is constant and tires splashing
through rain is irritating
I recall a dream just before I awoke
I helped a friend who's old white Cadillac wouldn't start
she had to drive to Michigan
and in the dream I thought;
'this ******* ain't makin' it to Michigan'
but I couldn't stop her
and now I wonder;
is she broke down and in a panic along I-80?
maybe I should have tried harder
but that's where I woke up
or is that where I fell asleep?
perhaps I am dreaming now
the ghosts love to watch me ponder

I can't stop
laughing haha
words are so ****
funny
lol
except when they
bleed
into the pages
and leave
scars
in the deepest recesses of
flesh that
haunt you as you
dream at night
killing every
fairy detail
in the fairy world you
escape to
the moment
you close
your eyes

haunting
blossoms,
          lustful skies
   turn my daydreams
       but to nigh.

          gentle nightmares
       keep me sane
and     keep this
              hope
   locked in my brain
    
            i won't say
i        like it
    i never will
         but at least
  this way
my thoughts
         won't spill

What has mattered the most
evidently, have just been ghosts

If the past is dead
what is the fate of a memory?

Left to wander around
in a purgatory, binded to me

Sometimes I beg to see them
haunting the places we used to be

if the past is dead, then we trap ghosts
inside our memories

you held me down and pinned both my wrists to my sides while i screamed and i yelled and i abused everything in sight. your body weight kept me down; you were strong enough to keep me from hurting myself but gentle enough not to hurt me. i cried and i thrashed and i told you i didn't love you anymore i told you that you were the problem i blamed you for everything wrong in my life and you just stayed put without a single word and didn't stop me because you knew when i entered this state of mind, you just had to let it play out its course. i had a shaking body and a tear-stained face but at least i did not have ****** wrists. i eventually cried it out and as i lost energy from the fight i gave up and my body went limp. you let go of me then and sat right besides me. you held my cold body close to you and the sound of my slow breathing played in your ears all night. you couldn't sleep, how could you? my vile words and false accusations tore through your heart and your mind and even though you knew i didn't mean them it didn't matter because these words would go through your head for the rest of your life. but you put them aside and watched the rise and fall of my chest, thankful that the heart underneath it was still beating and that's what kept you going. sometimes you wondered whether the real me was the one late at night who left bruises and cuts on your chest when i tried to push you away so that i could hurt myself again or the 10am me who begged for your forgiveness, the one with dark circles under her eyes and regret in her veins. sometimes you think back to the time i pushed you out the front door and you sat outside on the doorstep until i opened it 5 hours later and fell into your arms sobbing. sometimes you think back to the time i baked you cookies and cupcakes and burnt them a little because i've never been able to create with my hands, only destroy. at the end of it all, you watch me sleep, my tiny body cuddled into yours and even after all is said and done, you look up to the night sky and thank the stars and the sky and destiny or whatever greater power is out there for keeping me safe just this one more night.