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Hannah Draycott Oct 2020
I see her in every bonfire
In every sun ray
I feel her warmth in every palm tree breeze
and her voice whispers to me in the sea

Without her my hear no longer burns with passion,
only the ashes wither me away
I've started making fires in my backyard
hoping to summon her somehow
I'd make a deal with the devil if I had to.

I'd **** to feel her skin on mine again
To have her share my bed
even though she steals the ******* duvet
she could stab me and I'd say 'thank you so much'
but she didn't
She loved me
Even when I couldn't love myself.
Hannah Draycott Oct 2020
Oh lover,
You bite your tongue until it bleeds
But you were never prepared
To bleed the truth.
The truth stains our relationship
Tarnishes it indefinitely
And like a sore scab begging to be picked.
I pick.
I pick and pick and I can't stop, I can't stop myself.
And lover,
Although it hurts the more I pick, the more I think
The more I realise.
You were never mine.
You belong to somebody else
You always belonged to somebody else, because that somebody else has you in their heart and in their head.

Lover, I care.
Lord knows I care too much, so much so I have to let you go.
To give myself the freedom to move on,
To give you the space needed to search for your soul.

Dear lover,
Know that I see you in every moon and star
I would give you the entire galaxy if I could
I hear you in every breeze like your sweet whispers
I feel you in every love song that breaks my silent heart.

Oh lover.

I just hope our paths meet again, lover.
Hannah Draycott Mar 2020
There is nothing worse;
or more painful;
or an experience more harrowing;
than that of being in love.

Love makes me want to scream in anger,
i become a wounded animal that snaps at any hand.
Makes me feel sick to my stomach,
that i can't eat for days.
It makes me sad,
so terribly and simply sad
that i have so much love
but no one to give it to.

I fall upon my knees
before love and somedays I am blessed.
Sometimes it is cruel,
it is pushing a dull dagger into my back.
Love makes me utterly disgusting,
makes me inhuman in my thoughts.

All this love and yet none of it is for me,
love creates this void of absence.
Reminds me of how
there is always extra space next to me.
Love isolates me,
condemns me into a life of
yearning solitude.
Hannah Draycott Feb 2020
We came from the families that never really showed us what it meant to love and prosper.
They cared alright,
they picked us back up but never taught us how to deal with the traumas they caused.
You just have to keep going.
You have to keep going.

We came from the parents who that taught us that distance is key,
that its okay to push people away
but then get upset when we don't share the details of our day.
We shared each others experiences but never sat down to discuss it.
Just ******* and refused to stand up,
to do anything.

We just sat around,
raising each glass of wine to our pain.
Yet still no disclosure
but we knew.
We knew what hurt us,
what we wish to change for our future selves.

We don't have to talk
we don't have to say it
but we can give each other the look
it screams out a thousand words
we understand.

The rabbit never had a chance against the fox.
Hannah Draycott Sep 2019
Love so deeply that it's pratically invisible,
the little gestures you make
like asking if they want anything while you're out
isn't enough for them to notice.
Or even the stupid notes you leave
which simply read
"Good luck and have a good day :)"
Just isn't the same as speaking
freely, openly with three words
ending your sentences.

When they leave, because they always find someone better,
make sure to step out of the way for them.
Let them go,
they still won't notice it's because you truly care.
You would never stop them from getting what they want
even if that isn't you.

Soon you'll realise that maybe,
I don't deserve to be loved
and wouldn't it be cruel of me
to get in the way of someone elses
true love?
Wouldn't it be selfish
when all I want is affection
and the feeling that I'm not entirely alone?
Hannah Draycott Aug 2019
I've been swallowing my teeth in my sleep
I've been texting my exes even though I told myself no

And I realise that it's just the late night thoughts.

Tomorrow will be better
I will make it better.

I will mould it with my bare hands,
design every scenario like an architect.
I will change people's minds.

I'm going to wake up,
I know I will because I've seen it, in my dreams.
I dreamt of the moon and stars disappearing so suddenly like every lover and friend I accumulated.
And although I thought I was alone,
I felt the slow creeping warmth of the sun
and it was then I understood how life is created and sustained through:
such gentle burning power.
Hannah Draycott Aug 2019
It hurts.
But still I will pray
that one day someone will take
this tender heart.
They will take it
and love it with the same intensity.
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