The only thing worse
Than giving up in the night
Because you can't stand it anymore,
Is giving up
As you watch the sun rise,
Because all you can think is:
*There's another night coming

You lifted my heart up and straightened its creases
Then you dropped it and it shattered into a million pieces
My mind keeps telling me to give it all up
But my heart says otherwise; it doesn't tell me to stop

I'm tired of wishing, I'm tired of waiting
But when I turn the radio on, a love song's playing
When I open my eyes, all I see is you
Why is giving up so hard to do?

I constantly always heard the cliche saying that nothing lasts forever and eventually all things come to an end. For so long I never cared and in the past I didn’t care about anything that happened to or around me, I was simply living like a bystander and I was nothing more than a pair of eyes watching things come and go. Even when my grandmother died, I was always told that “everybody dies in the end” and that made me wonder why all of this matters. Why do we try so hard when in the grand scheme of things, we’re all going to end up just a memory to those we left our mark on, and even memories fade. I asked myself this question for quite a long time and even now I think about it, an answer that I have yet to fully give myself. It took a long time before I realized that the point is to leave those marks. I read a book about a year ago that made me come to this realization and start to appreciate the fact that while I am alive, I should focus on living instead of dying. The book made me understand that we all leave a mark on this world and some people spend years trying to find what they really want. I don't want to just be content. I don’t have my memories rush back to me as I still fear dying . I don’t want realized I never actually lived.  Filled with every mistake and missed opportunity. I don’t want to regret not following my dreams because the fear of death murdered me before I was even old enough to drive.

I'm sick and tired of this
I wish you could understand
I'm stood here clenching my fist
But I stop and relax my hand
I've finally had enough
I've had too much
So much of it
Controlling me
***** it
I'm just gonna leave it be

I wanted to fill the cracks of his mind, and breathe his very breath. Need consumed by deep desire, leaving me scared to death.

I hung a rope on that tree, where I used to kneel and pray. Struggling to keep my head up, waiting for something he refused to say.

I wanted to slip and fall into arms, eager to break my fall. Scattered hopes cast about, that are just shadow puppets on the wall.

I cupped my hands to catch his tears, but the favor was never repaid. Slip the rope around my neck, in hopes to repair the mess I made.

I wasted all my saved up wishes, just in the end to tie the knot. I finally took that step and hang myself, with all the promises he forgot.