All my life I've tried to provide for others
I've kept trying to put people back together;
I ride the tide of their most stormy weather,
but I have yet to actually make anyone better.

I failed because I never knew where to begin.
I learned over time we must heal ourselves within
before helping broken people as a mission
but even that simple beginning, I can't win.

Shattered into pieces, I know not how many years,
only that I cannot remember a time without tears.
The struggle is more than real, it's all my fears
and there's total misunderstanding amongst peers.

All I ever wanted was to make another whole,
to reach out to someone and fix their broken soul.
It was foolish of me to try and it has taken a toll
leaving me empty, miserable and with no goal.

I don't think I can ever mend myself right,
I keep trying, but I never win the fight.
Every now and then I think I see the light
only to watch it dissipate into the night.

I stay awake thinking deeply about our world
and how I am merely but one broken girl
searching through waste, looking for a pearl
but whisked away in defeat as it whirls.

If I can't save myself, or anyone at all,
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stand tall.
I will weep until the day I crumble and fall,
knowing I couldn't change a thing, nothing at all.

She was tryna save you
But she gave up
'Cause you broke her

Practice makes perfect,
But nobody's perfect,
So why practice?

I know nothing matters,
I know I won't see the light,
I'll just stand up from my seat,
And I'll give up the fight.

They try to bring me back,
Telling me not to give up,
I wonder why they're optimistic,
Their mouth I cannot shut.

I want to slap some sense into them,
We're all gonna die someday,
Why need friends?
They can't be with us anyway.

In the end,
We're all alone,
Without some company,
Everything I'll disown.

Smile, smile, smile,
It's all they want you to do,
they don't care what you feel,
they don't care what you'll do.

They just don't want your burdens,
they just dont want to understand,
lucky for me,
their carelessness I withstand.

I cry aloud,
as these tears fall to the floor,
being able to be heard,
from the other side of the door.

But I stop immediately,
hearing that,
their constantly calling me,
an annoying brat.

But they don't know anything,
but I stop anyway,
standing up once more,
telling myself, "I'm not okay."

I've lost.
In the dilemma of thy love, my lover,
I've lost myself.
To those endless confusions, I swear,
I lost my mind somewhere.
In the way those lips curl up to another lie,
I've lost my sense of realizations.
I've lost my sight to those hazy illusions
You put up to fake another try
And when they laugh at me
Shun me, with the truth
As I look at you
As if you're a painting
I sigh.
I've lost to your voice
Speaking to me
Whispering of thy love
My lover, I've lost this battle
With myself.
With this world.
And for one last time, as I look at you
As a puzzled mess of imperfect flaws,
With a sigh,
I feel.
I win back my senses.
I realize.
You're actually a painting.
Not to be weaved into poetry by me.
You're someone else's
You're beauty.
To someone else.
Because, i, with nothing more left to lose,
Have lost myself and everything else
In the dilemma of thy love, my lover.
And now I don't know
If I love you more, or my love for you.

When your home is no longer home.
When your dreams become forgotten.
When love never existed.
When your hero's come crashing.
When you give it your all to find out it was for nothing...

GIVE UP!

-been

i didn't know you
but i think about you everyday

you were a friend of a boy whose brother i knew
and that's where i got the news
that you hung yourself when the pressure rose
your neck purple, the ground an inch too far from your toes
the ****** education system that got to your head
the grades and the scores and the race making you wish you were dead
you couldn't handle the look on your mom's face
"mom, i came second, not first, today"
you loved her, you loved your dad too
you loved your guitar, your band, the girl whose eyes were a million shades of blue
but the waves rose and you couldn't keep up
maybe it was just ill-fate or bad luck
you were just another fish swimming for dear life
but you were shoved away by the rough unforgiving tides
drowning, slowly, then all at once,
you went from being top of your class to being called a dunce
the disappointment and the rage and the wrinkles of stress on your mother's skin
made that sadness grow deeper and deeper within
until one day you realized it was better to give in

and so you climbed up that chair
pushed it away with your feet
kissed a picture of her
and listened to the last of your heart beat
hanging in the air
you whispered goodbye
"mother, i tried, i really did try"
and the wind left your lungs
the blood stopped in your veins
you dived away from reality
swimming into a new kind of pain

i think of you often
the friend of a boy whose brother i knew
i think of you often
because i can relate to you

its getting harder
the pressure, the stress
nothing is enough
not even my best
i think of joining you
in that darkness of bliss
looking at the world around me
there won't be much to miss
this rat race of doom running after a life of success
for me, it's just no longer worth it
so call me a coward or say i lost
but maybe death will give me what i want most
an escape from always having to win
an escape from the emptiness eating me from within

i think of you often
and i would like to know
are you happier now?
away from woe?

if you were here
would you advise me to stay?
or would you tell me to climb
that same chair, with the same belt, in the same room, at same same hour
in the exact
*same
way.