last night you called
whispering past mistakes
hanging up before you blurt out a catastrophe
How numbered are the times you've listened to my own earthquakes

Healing isn’t a rapid art,
it takes time
to look your trauma in the eye
and welcome it home
but mine was already well alive
and he slept next to me in bed
like a hungry dog.

When I came out to my mother
she told me to avoid the dogs
that would come my way
but it wasn’t till I loved him
that I could see
a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

you are the burn of cigarette smoke
painful, tearing at the insides of my body
yet i need you, i always crave you
smiling as you rush through my body
you can hear me screaming for help
yet i am silent
there is no sound, no movement
only the tears that drip from my eyes
a waterfall, slowly being drained of every drop
i look up
you are my detriment
and cigarettes only burn for so long

you held my hand under yours,
as you shifted between gears.
"i love you" the words spilled out,
it felt right, it felt safe.

i was never one for short lived romances,
but that isn't what you promised me.
"i love you" you repeated,
making sure i felt the security.

but the calls became shorter,
and i felt the tone turn cold.
"i love you" i said with a hole in my heart,
but you said it back and that was enough.

i wait on the text that never arrives,
i know you've been really busy.
"i love you" three of the only words,
you managed to say to me today.

maybe i'm not enough for you,
it's starting to feel like you're bored.
"i love you" i'm saying it because i mean it,
why are you saying it?

I remember putting on my white dress,
trying to hold back tears from stress.
I knew deep down that I never wanted to walk down that aisle,
but my feet kept moving with a perfect, fake smile.

I put all my faith in God above,
and I even prayed to feel His love.
Because all I wanted was to do the right thing,
and I truly believed that getting married to a man would fix everything.

One year later I am back where I started,
but this time with divorce papers feeling cold-hearted.
I never wanted it to end this way,
and how naive of me to think I was strong enough to stay.

Now I just want to hug my mom while I cry out,
but she is disgusted with the fact that I came out.
I am filled with tears of hatred and shame
because I lit up my life with an irreversible flame.

I asked for this.
I asked for all of this.

I weep for the children,
Nurtured in denial;
Taught to hate themselves,
As if living were a trial.

They say be yourself,
But don't be too bold.
You can express yourself,
But please fit our mold.

We love you unconditionally,
Unless you are gay.
For that is sinful,
You will surely pay.

Hypocrites raising children,
Are like a hammer to glass.
Destined to devastate,
Destined to smash.

He told me that he loved me,
But his actions said this:
"I love what you do for me,
Now give me a kiss."

"I will not help,
But I want this and that.
Don't you love me?
Please be my doormat."

And I did, because I loved you.
My family saw it before I;
They saw what you were doing,
How you made me want to die.

How you pushed them away,
So I would depend on you alone.
Your resentment quickly grew,
If they even called my phone.

I don't even think you knew
How controlling you became.
You made me question myself,
Made me feel I was insane.

And even now, though it's over,
You have a hold on me.
I hate to admit it, but truth is,
It is plain to see.

On this lonely night,
My mind travels to the past.
Why didn't it work?
Why didn't it last?

A whole year later,
Your name is still on my lips.
I hold it in but
Sometimes it slips.

Do you remember the beginning,
When we talked all day?
We would last forever.
That was what we'd say.

You were my peace,
My solace, and my rock.
We thought it would endure,
Could outlast the clock.

Love morphed to resentment,
Trust, to deceit.
Reassurance to fear,
Endurance to defeat.

People change,
But I thought we'd change together.
Our resolve blew away like
The wind tosses a feather.

I don't know how to believe in love.
I thought I had it.
I thought I had you.
I thought that we fit.

How can I trust myself,
When I was so wrong?
Five years with you
Didn't even seem long.

I hope you are well,
And that you know,
I'll love you forever,
Wherever you go.

Boy with blue eyes,
Break my heart.
Your plush lips
Are a work of art.
Lost in your scent;
Cool breath, pure smile.
It holds me in place,
Yet makes my heart travel a mile.
Kiss away my tears,
And pull me tight.
If this is wrong,
I don't want to be right.