we been through a lot together...

















nobody says it's forever

Oversized clothes
Dresses galore
Both of them
Fit to one gender

Sports jerseys
Baggy shorts
I want those
but I'm a "girl"

Perky dresses
Lots of makeup
I'm told I must
Because I'm a "girl"

Anxiety fills me up
I need to be perfect
I need to be a daughter
I need to be a girlfriend
a wife
a mother

Why can't I be a child?
A lover?
A ren?
A human?

Why do you have to choose for me?

A part of me hopes that,
when I go meet him,
the devil will also be a too-much boy.

When he kisses me,
sickly sweet,
too hot, too much spiced honey tongue,
he’ll bite my lip on the first pass
and I’ll bite back.

i started going to therapy when i
felt my legs buckling
under the weight of my heart

when
i knew that
it had become so drenched and
dripping with guilt and longing that i
couldnt possibly carry it
anymore

even still
morning felt like
            sharp red stings
                        in the papery skin stretched over my
                        temples and eyelids
            and tasted like salt and secrets in a thick paste
                        on my lips and tongue

even still
day always left me with
            imprints of bathroom floor tiles
                        on my throbbing forehead
            stains from your raspberry laughter
                        in my ears
            and fresh wounds from your dagger eyes
                        penetrated deep into the concave surface of my sternum
                        i couldnt help it that my scars were in cursive
                        and read like poetry

even still
at night
            i cried because my head wouldnt forget
                        those dream-colored moments with you
            i cried because every day your eyes told me that you had
            i cried because your laughter tasted like you never knew
            i cried because my heart swelled heavier every day
                        and my arms
were getting tired

i stopped going to therapy when
in my white dress and
            t-bar high heels you said you liked that one time
i drove myself home
            after graduation

when
with a straight face and dry eyes
i knew id never see you again
and my heart
would never need
any more carrying

Please answer me this
Mr Pence,
Why can’t I wear a white dress?
Why can’t I claim innocence?

My mother always told me,
When I was young,
That one day I could get married  
And it would be such fun.

That if I truly loved them
We would have our special dance.
So please Mr Vice President
Why won’t you give me that chance?

My grandmother always told me
That true love was precious.
That it would pause all other emotions
Whether angry or jealous

My father always told me;
That to love was to give it all
And if they did the same
That’s how you knew to fall.

So why Mr Vice President
Can’t I give my love the world
Why don’t you want me to marry?
Is it because she’s a girl?

Praise be to Sappho
Noblest of poets
Lover of words and women
Who gave us that language
So we could love women
As well

Excerpts from the Journal of Dorian Gray
by Michael R. Burch

It was not so much dream, as error;
I lay and felt the creeping terror
of what I had become take hold . . .

The moon watched, silent, palest gold;
the picture by the mantle watched;
the clock upon the mantle talked,
in halting voice, of minute things . . .

Twelve strokes like lashes and their stings
scored anthems to my loneliness,
but I have dreamed of what is best,
and I have promised to be good . . .

Dismembered limbs in vats of wood,
foul acids, and a strangled cry!
I did not care, I watched him die . . .

Each lovely rose has thorns we miss;
they ***** our lips, should we once kiss
their mangled limbs, or think to clasp
their violent beauty. Dream, aghast,
the flower of my loveliness,
this ageless face (for who could guess?),
and I will kiss you when I rise . . .

The patterns of our lives comprise
strange portraits. Mine, I fear,
proved dear indeed . . . Adieu!
The knife’s for you.

Keywords/Tags: Oscar Wilde, portrait, Dorian Gay, journal, ageless, face, youthful, unchanging, rose, thorns, *****, vat, acid, acids, dismembered limbs, violent beauty, knife

He loved me
and that set me free
In account of my flaws
he embraced my claws
I attacked and I fought
all in response to gifts he brought
He loved me
but I didn't love him

We fought and we had silence
while trying to build resilience
But the world is cruel
and a lot like high school
I wanted to give you more
but I had nothing more in store

There's always new stock in the market
Beautiful men have always ben on my docket
I thought wed have a chance at forever
but the inevitable is never

Playboys and drinks
spinning in cycle like the roller rink
I've let you go now
but I'm not sure I know how
I wanted this to last
but our feelings were vast