Forgiveness—
that’s what we need.

To erase the past
and rewrite our story.

When I picture myself at fifty,
looking back,
I’d be happy to see the story
of a young woman
who was once erased
in her marriage—
but in the end,
they grew
and were happy.

I’d be glad to see
a garden
that once had no hope
yet somehow
we made it bloom.

Not just me—
us.

From: Me
To: My Inner Child

Hello, my dear.
How are you?
I hope you’re well—
because I am not.

You’ve always been here,
speaking to me,
showing me signs
I refused to see.

Now I see.
Now I want to keep you close again.

I’m in tears—
it’s been so long
since we last spoke.

I think I grew up
and left you behind,
abandoned
the way everyone else did.

I’m sorry.
Will you forgive me?

I’ve done so many wrong things
to you
and to myself—
things I’d never
do to a child
if I were truly responsible.

So tonight—
if you’re willing—
let’s spend time together.

Do you remember
first grade,
when every afternoon
you’d run to the ballet studio
just to watch the girls
in their pink tights,
gentle and graceful,
warming up for class—
and you’d stand at the door,
dreaming of being one of them?

I remember.

Our mother said
we could never be ballerinas—
our feet weren’t right,
our toenails always ingrown.

So what could we do?
Dance in secret,
alone in the bedroom,
with Barbie
and the Twelve Dancing Princesses.

So tonight—
will you dance with me?

Let’s be ballerinas for one night.
Let’s be what we always dreamed to be.

Will you take my hand
for this dance?

With love,
Me.

The truth is,
sometimes
victory lies
in leaving the past behind.

You can’t move forward
when you’re tied to the depths
of the ocean.

They say Christ
casts forgiven sins down there—
but it feels like I’m leaving
all my sins
tied like stones to my feet,
sinking with them.

If Christ exists,
He has forgiven me.
But I have not forgiven myself.

I’m like a submarine,
lost in some sea,
in the dark,
sending out signals
for someone on the surface
to hear me.

No one will come.

I should have learned by now—
princes on white horses
are a myth.

I am the prince.
I am the white horse.
I save myself.

I am
deliberately
destroying our family.

They say a wise woman
builds her home—
I am removing every brick
we so carefully
stacked.

But do not blame
my wisdom,
or the lack of it.

If only I could show you
all the possible endings
of our story—
the ones I’ve built and rebuilt
in my mind and heart—
and still
it would not be enough
for you to forgive me,
for me to forgive myself,
for the shame
of becoming
a beggar
pleading for life.

Jesus, son of David—
have mercy on me.

Forgiving others to heal your wounds is just a way to start,  
You must extend the same to yourself, from the depths of your heart,
Not just for the moments you may have hurt others,
But for the times you abandoned yourself,

Staying in situations too long, holding tight instead of letting go,  
Putting in effort that went unseen, sowing seeds that couldn't grow,  
Hiding your pain behind a smile, crafting a brave disguise,  
Accepting less than you deserve, afraid of cutting old ties,  
Stop sending signals that you don't matter,  
Reclaim your worth - as a gem and a treasure,
Permit to lighten your burden and let the healing begin.  
Forgiving yourself is a journey to find true love within.

Abuse, avoid, forgive, abuse, avoid, forgive
It’s never ending a cycle of stupidity I allow to continue
We talk, we have fun, but I must follow the script

A cycle of stupidity I can’t break free of
Oh, how family can cause so much pain
A crave for love, and a crave to love
And all they crave is to be on top

But it’s not my fault you’re not the favorite
It’s not my fault you’re lazy and dumb
But it is my fault I stay
Stay in this box, broken and withered,

I stay with hopes you’ll change
But it’s been 15 years
And your grip has gotten stronger
And your heart has gotten colder
As my heart falls further

But I crave for love and protection
I crave for normalcy, and to be able to confide in you
But you’ve left me to fall apart like a box in the rain

I see others and how they live
Their hearts full
Not like mine
Not like yours

Not like your empty, broken heart
That knows nothing other than breaking mine
Not like my broken heart
That knows nothing but to try and fix the pieces.

Oh, it’s truly a cycle of stupidity, and I want to break free
But I live in a world of abuse, avoid, forgive

One of the harshest things I have ever read! "And I have pardoned so that we will not meet again with God."

I have pardoned
not from love, nor grace,
but to unthread your name
from the fabric of my fate.

No thunderclap of anger,
no blaze of righteous flame,
just the quiet closing
of a door that once knew your name.

I set you free,
not to hold your hand again in light,
but so our shadows
will never cross in God’s sight.

No reckoning in heaven,
no parting words to send
I forgave you only
so this could truly end.

So if you seek me
on that final, sacred shore,
know that my forgiveness
was the lock upon the door.

Abba, forgive me and forget
     The sins for which I live disgraced
     And face the wicked world shame-faced,
And I shall live to prosper yet.

If I were to be given the option to **** you,
I would do it gently.
Lovingly.
I would hold your head in my lap
as I feel you become a heavy corpse.
I would lay flowers on your chest
as your breathing slows.
I would pray that you are both confused
and disgusted
by the sheer magnitude
of my forgiveness.

That it haunts you as you take your last breath.

That it haunts you in death.

In the end,
everything I write is about you.