Dear David,
First of all, I would like to start this letter with a big *******!
How dare you come into my home and take advantage of me.
How dare you get into my bed and touch me.
How dare you!?!
Oh, you were drunk?
No worries, that totally makes it okay.
I was probably dreaming like the time my best friends brother decided to hop into my bed when I was 11.

I hate you!
I hate how I can’t be mad at Terry for wanting to have a relationship with you because you’re his brother.
I hate how I can’t speak up about what you did because it most certainly will ruin your life.

But I want you to know, you will never be apart of my life again.
You will not be apart of mine and Terry’s life,
And best believe you will not be an uncle to our little girl.

I know all you did was touch my skin and kiss my lips,
But what if I wasn’t strong enough to push you off me, to tell you no?

I hate what you did.
I hate that I can never be beautiful again,
You took that piece with you.
You greedy, ******, *****!
How many other girls have you done this to?
Are still doing this to?
And aren’t able to tell you no…

I just hate how I can’t move on…
How can you?

Interesting how,
They say to stop daydreaming
Stop imagining and living in your fantasies,
When those are the only things
That have given me the courage and hope
To get where I am now
And stay here

"God"

I begged

"Did I do your will?
Did I hurt him, did I hurt both of us needlessly?
What do I do?
Father, please help me.
I need to see what you see
Just a glimpse of what that may be
Of what I did, this choice which now defines me
I feel like I fell in an unending sea
Oh oh my father, it hurts what I did
I didn't make this choice to hurt him
I didn't want to hurt him
Never

Did I do what was right
Did I do your will
What you asked me to do"

Peace
Filling my trembling body
Peace
Calming my limbs
That long aching string between my head and heart loosens

My head, just now full of contradicting thoughts now sits quietly
Heart is soft too
Listening mildly

So when I answer the question my body is resolved
It hurts I said
That dull ache hits every time I think his name
I feel like he thinks I played a game
With his heart, but no, mine feels the same
Broken and lost, a little lame

I know it was right though the cracks are still there
The double thinking is almost too much to bear
We had uncovered who "we" were but he thinks I don't care when the truth is that I laid myself bare
When trouble came, to my knees I fell in prayer

I don't know why in the past it was right when now the answer is no
I just listen
God knows what is best
But it doesn't make it easy to follow

Head says yes, heart says no
Heart says yes, head says no

God said yes, now God says no
I listen to God, he knows where I'll go
He will make me strong so I will know
I will follow when he says so

So much on my mind
Tryna bind them together
Weather the storm I continuously have in my head
Thoughts all over the place
Mind racing
I'm stressed out I'm stressed out
Cant handle the thoughts in my head
All I think about before I go to bed
Recurring pain from these thoughts That they have brought
It's ok, everything is going to be ok
That's all I keep hearing but it's never ok
It's a battle up there
Dont nobody know that
Fake a smile once in a while just to seem ok
Hide my true feelings cause dont nobody care
Just a fear of some things
A bunch of overthinking, mixed feelings
Tryna find my path in life
A path that's right for me
Focusing on what I'm thinking
Rather than what's in front of me
Try to let things be
But if something's bothering me of course its gonna effect me
Jumbled up brain
Hidden deep pain
That I cant seem to control
Unless something controls it for me...

In the cold Winter
I wanna make snow angels
Drink delicious hot chocolate
Have a snowball fight
Skate on beautiful
Pale
Opaque
Ice
In the wet Spring
I wanna dance in the rain
Smell the millions of flowers
Have a picnic
Take a walk through a
Quiet
Park
In the hot Summer
I wanna dive into a pool
Eat lots a icecream
Take trips
Feel the warm
Bright
Sun on my face
In the windy Fall
I wanna see the color of the leaves change
Smell the spice of Pumpkins
Sit in front of a warm
Cozy
Blazing fire
In The 4 Seasons

Wanna be free
Do my own thing
On my own time
No worries
No stress
Things running smoothly as they should be
Dont need the unnecessary anything
Do one thing at a time
Still doesnt work out
I'm trying to do something for myself
Have something going for myself
Instead I get pushed back..
Step 1
How is a person supposed to keep fighting like this?
Yea the same old saying..
But what else is new though?
What else you got for me?
Positivity can only bring but so much joy
Just wanna strive and achieve

Only works but so much
Block out any and every feeling that's there
Doing any and everything to make it seem like I'm ok
To put my mind somewhere else
Then it hits you
Now you dont wanna do anything
But sleep
Eat
Think
Cry away the pain
Pain clouding
Just a simple
Quick 
Easy way to think you're out

I too contemplate scripture
some delve deep
the humble Love
mostly Mothers
any form of the written
as in hope their default app
ironicallylly erroneous
yet overwhelmingly applied.

If my trust in you was a form of art, surely my mistake was my masterpiece

Two organisms without Eyes
blindly react to each touch
Each payment does not add to much

how did you see me through stained glass?
and I'm guilty of hiding
but was I hiding?
Or were you denying my pure intention?

Would one consider that lesson,
Or did I misjudge you for someone with pure intention?

I can not see the end
I can not see the start
So I keep my blind fold tight
And I follow whats in my heart

I do not know how near
I do not know how far
But nothing really matters
As long as there's fuel in my car

I'll forget I ever heard
The wonders in my mind
I'll try stay 2 steps forward
So that I dont fall behind

Where ever I may arrive
Where ever I may depart
I'll do what I do best
And I'll follow whats in my heart