Hot Springs bubbles
Like acid melting my skin
Deep breathes dissolve away
Any memory of a physical being

I ponder this existence
Brought to a boil, in transience
Like magma, I am liqufied fire
Reaching out as far as I flow

Head first, nostrils flaring air
As it rushes up, I dive deep
The weightlessness of freedom
An expansion robbed in flesh

Narrow eyes surface at
The impending departure
To the land of the living
To the land of rotting

I stand frail as water drips
Down a tired composure
Only wishing to return
To the bed of lava beneath

You once said
that beneath this flesh of mine
are worlds and galaxies and universe
and ideas waiting to get out.

But boy, you are so wrong,
how can I tell you that within me
are not galaxies, but ghosts and demons
and dead souls wanting to get out?

Perhaps it's my memory
which troubles me
when I carry it around
like a chip on my shoulder,
waiting to have it carved
into a marble bust of Justice
in the hope that
something good would come of it.
Although in our time
the only thing it becomes
is its own caricature and nothing more.

Perhaps it's my memory
which doggedly trails me wherever I go
even when I wish to lose it in the hills.
I carry it
like a credit card
without an expiration date,
with a limitless line of available credit
extending back through the centuries,
to be summoned
at a moments notice to pay off any debt
no matter how ancient
for a pound of flesh can no longer
be considered good collateral for any loan.
Flesh has become cheap
as has life
and the interest rate is never
high enough to sustain
the sanctity of either anymore.

i'm a broken mess
this pile of flesh and bones
doesn't feel like home

When your joy
    Enters my heart
I know not what to do
    In tears do you cleanse my soul
When you oh Lord
    Do call my name how I need you
Release me from my flesh
    Take me from my shame
On Calvary did you die
     From death did you rise
My Lord my God
     You are my prize
In the battle fought
     In the victory won
For my sins you atone
     Jesus I am yours alone
Oh Lord do bring your children home!

i feel weird again i lament
i feel mortal
i am aware of my mortality
for a split second i feel
strange
i feel like flesh and bones
no soul just muscles that could rip and tear and shred and be broken and
death
i could die
for a second i have a heightened awareness of this fact
and it feels
strange
my tongue starts to tingle
mortality
i feel my body decay from within
i feel like dying
my heart feels weird
it feels like t is burdensome to continue beating.
it feels heavy
if that is even possible
i just don't know what is real and what i feel
i am confused and lost and i clutch my chest
feel the warmth
i'm still alive right
and i just don't
i just can't
i simply don't know how to explain what I feel
i just feel like flesh and bones and nothing more.