When the only snow you see in December is in your snow globe
When the only Christmas spirit is alcohol
When you've filled up on too much on Christmas food
and the super market cashier is being rude
When your turkey won't cook
and kids and toys are making too much noise
and the adult boys are out for the count after eating
and your so tired you feel like you've taken a beating
when Christmas telly is all repeats
and you are the only person in the street without decorations
and you are left alone to make preparations for the big day.
When you've got a stinking man flue cold that won't go away
and the smell of cold Brussel sprouts is like mould
and you've been told that this Christmas hasn't met expectations
and the box of chocolate sensations has all gone
Remember it's one day and it'll all too soon be over.

We live by the words "be perfect don't fail"
About us we should see what that reveals
We obsess over numbers on a scale
Expectations are set by these ideals

When did portion sizes become so small
It's hard to think of but needs to be said
Put my health first vs. do I care at all
A constant battle inside of my head

Strength and will-power silence the voices
My body shaming can finally stop
Pushing myself to make the right choices
In this battle I will come out on top

Because the exact moment I give in
I'm choosing to let society win

Nobody wants a body
When given so easily.
Nobody trusts
In lust.
He will fail to see
What is dormant
In the soul and heart
Of the hands that touch
And the mouth that kisses.
And the advantage lies
In his taking.
While she is overlooked
Because society says something else.
And the rules were broken,
Just like her heart will be.
Because he can’t choose her.
He can only have her.

With all these voices in my head
And all the messages I've sent
All the replies I never get
They say forgive and then forget

Everything I've done has led to regret
And stood me up right on the edge
Feet halfway over the ledge
Wind in my face and what comes next?

A flashback to memories
With violent ends from violent deeds
I see them right before they bleed
And cold shivers run underneath

I've been called both crazy and insane
Like something's wrong inside my brain
To everyone else I'm not the same
I ain't normal, I ain't plain

But then again, I didn't want to be
It's not my fault I cause unease
I don't see what everyone else sees
I see dead men on their feet

Why fight on and be so strong
In a world where I don't belong?
Where everything has gone all wrong
From ongoing wars to the suicide song

I hear white noise when I walk
And whispering when I don't talk
A shadow behind that always stalks
Paranoid, eyes like a hawk

I'm sorry I'm not what you wish I was
But don't hate me just because
I don't meet your expectations
So give up on my resuscitation

*"You cannot revive the dead and ******"

How would he want you to act?
A small voice whispered in my ear.
Stop obsessing over the simple fact
Yes, you are all alone with no one to love you near
Yes, you're quite afraid
But he knows the strength within you
Apparently better than you do.
He knows your brain cuts like a razor blade
Show the world the strength he sees.
Admire the way the winter leaves freeze.
Just Breath.

Why does it matter I want to scream.
Why does his opinion matter so much?
Because maybe just maybe this one is on your team.
And he doesn't want you to use your fear as a crutch.
Because he makes you proud.
And there is now a longing to do the same.
To show him, and this bustling crowd,
your deep-seated roaring flame.

So I held my head high
and I went where I had never gone before,
With a mental battle cry.
Because I am his lioness hear me roar.

Dear Expectations,

I have given up on believing in you. It seems that for years and years and so many more years to come. You have constantly sent out more pain than you have happiness. You give a sense of hope that doesn't equal someones reality. You portray this false imagination. You try to allow myself and others to believe that if we set certain standards and place things/people on a pedestal... That we will achieve you. Why is it that even after constant let down we allow you back into our lives? why do we still wait for you? expect you? hope and wish for you? set you so high...
To expect is to assume
to assume is to make a mockery out of yourself
I'd rather not.

I don't expect her to ever speak to me again
I don't expect those who've doubted me to suddenly believe
I don't expect my lost friends and family to suddenly be found
I don't expect immediate change
I don't expect the best outcomes to my hard work, right away.
I don't expect you to love me
I don't expect my father and I to ever have a relationship
I don't expect freedom in a life of chains
I don't expect anything, anymore

The only expecting I do now is the kind I can control

I expect myself to love who deserves to be loved
I expect myself  to be the best man I can be
I expect myself to try and change what is my flaws
I expect myself to be there always for my family and some friends
I expect myself to believe in me
I expect myself to try even if it's so much easier to quit
I expect myself to forgive...Even when I know they don't deserve it
I expect my self to live...even when life has killed all my faith
I expect myself to fight...even when I don't have much left
I expect myself to always remain honest to who I am

Expectations.

We place em on things that we have no control over...
on people who just may not be able to live up to our needs
we can't expect anything out of anyone or thing...
all we can do is expect what we want in ourselves.
Put out in life what we hope...but don't expect...to get back.

Change your mindset - Change your heart - Change your life