Your memory breaks and heals me everyday

Everyday
is another day I don’t text you
Everyday is another day I pretended I don’t miss you

Everyday

It’s silly I know
Can’t even say the words
Can’t even let this pain go

Everyday is another day I’m angry at you
For not caring like I do
But you can’t force someone to care
How can I still love you

Everyday

Everyday is another day he is just a picture in my head
Everyday I hear the three words
he never said

These are my three words

I HATE YOU  

but we know that’s not true
Because every day is a day I’m still loving you

eating fast food as I watch you wear your old Hawaiian t shirt you adopted from the bottom of a bin at the local thrift shop because everything has always been comfort over style and you can't change now
a fry falls onto the lap of my thighs and you ask me when the last time was I used my kitchen floor for dancing instead of pacing around but my mind falls short into the drops of condensation sweating into a couch that I hate sometimes and admire for the sturdy way it always manages to **** up my back
I'm already what I want to be but I pretend that I throw around my identity like a knick-knack hacky sack and I'll always blame you for the aftershock effect of feeling like I've been spun in a tumbler and left to be drunk by the gnats you breed by never throwing old fruit away

you play guitar for me
write me melody
in the hallway of our rental

we have fish n chips for dinner
the day before payday
and gripe about those at work
who succeed at our expense

this is our modern love song

I fell in love with you
all over again
2 years after marriage
when you nursed me back to health

this is our modern love song

you build things like a man does
and we laugh in bed till we cry
after watching 10 hours of netflix

this is our modern love song

our anniversary was indian take out
and a fight
when we were going through a rough patch

but
this is our modern love song

everyone we know is in mental health crisis
and the city is overrun
with real estate agents

this is our modern love song

we vote together for a future
that might be good enough
for our child

this is our modern love song

we promise each other
this is the year
we'll get on top of all our debts
And go far away

this is our modern love song

when i come to you in tears
after someone has asked too much
you say come here
knowing they'll do it again

this is our modern love song

everyday?
really!  Yes.  
choiceless.
I'm tired.
I'm sore.  
I don't want to.
Show up.
Be present,
do your best,
breathe,
wake up,
practice
and
life moves
through you
in the most
extraordinary
ways

Every day we die
But some days we die more than others.