So i am wondering what makes people
abandon me so quickly.
It’s not like I am
garbage or ****.
But why is it when I
Try to find
My other half
They ghost me.  

So I am wondering
How do I scare
People off
When it comes to
Romance
Is it the
Fact that I
Am mixed
Or is it
That I ain’t causasoid.  
Am I a freak.

So I am wondering
Why the only
People who love
Me are family
Why do I have no game
It’s not like
I got
Ebola
Or
Lepersy.

I have the shakes.
How can I keep things straight?
There something important I must do.
How can I deal with it when I am stuck on you?

There are many ways to die.
I could end up where the shadows lie.
Waiting and asking “will I not die?”.
Another drink and I am closer to asking why.

Air is swirling around me.
Taking in all sounds around me.
Can I do the unexpected?
Then again, will I end up resurrected?

Will I end up subjected?
In a world so unaffected.
Can I do something I only dreamed?
In a world so dangerous, it would seem.

Will I end up causing too much strife?
Then again will I end my life?
Your dreams are more important it would seem.
I will try to have more self esteem.

Can I do the unseen?
In a world where we are chasing our dream.
Will I end up subjected?
In a world so unaffected.

Our dreams shape us.
So, unaffected they will not make us.
We are sharing our dreams.
In a world where nothing is what it seems.

i took off all my clothes
looked straight at the mirror and repeated
i love myself
i love myself
i love myself
as if i truly believed it
like a stranger in my skin i imagined what other people see
the words blended together and melted like butter
my mind tricked itself into thinking i had never looked at my reflection and thought it was gross i made myself lie
and then i put my clothes on
brushed my hair
and turned off the light.