I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait is my morning sun.
I want to say a thousand, lovely, kind, and heartfelt things to you but I am not master of words.
I would tell you that you are the greatest marvel of all ages, and I should only be speaking the truth.
You have been privileged to receive every gift of beauty from nature. As beauties cease to be so when near you.
My imagination carries me to you,
I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you. A thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me.
I see you as I did yesterday, beautiful, astonishingly beautiful.
But I envy every word I write for they accompany your eyes and are closer to you than I.
How should I ever prove what my heart is to you?
How will you ever see it as I feel it?

When the darkness comes
and I unravel, undone,
I know only you will get me.
When I’m fully consumed
and swearing I’m doomed
I’m sure you’ll wish you never met me.

How can you give a ****
if you don’t know who I am
and all the stories that are my building blocks.
Take the time to cram,
assign roles of lion and lamb,
but apparently it’s a wolf now in these talks.

And the pictures were colour
yet all the same they seem black and white,
maybe they faded as they sure seem duller,
or maybe there’s just not enough light.

Everyone pulls away, I sadly know the drill,
it’s impossible to stay, or even just stay still.
Throwing punches and slanging slurs,
tell me is it impossible to draw a line?
I gave her a heart but she never gave hers,
I’m surprised she even wanted mine.

I’m stupid enough to keep my word
and foolish enough to keep a promise.
Dissecting and analyzing the absurd,
intelligence is the mortal enemy to total bliss.

Is there bad-envy and good-envy?
Is bad-envy
when I desire to take away from another person
what brings them joy and happiness?
Is good-envy
when I take clues
from how another person has achieved
joy and happiness
to achieve joy and happiness
for myself?

I envy you who awakes to welcome the birthing of a new day.
Where family, friends, love and hope are the keystones of your way.

Once I too had those things and could welcome each rising sun.
And like you too I did all I could to hold those things hard won.

I never thought of my life in terms of what it had cost.
Never understood the value of having it until it all was lost.

I never even thought that it could all be lost in the way it was.
To end up living life when the sun rises and that my only "because".

To have a life with meaning and where you can have some good.
Yes I still remember it and I would turn my time back if I could.

I hope you can forgive my envy and know I bear no ill will to you.
But hear, please my en-treatment, your world is fragile too.

Do not take for granted that things will always last.
Better those things in your future than only in your past.

Looking down at the blood muddled by ink.
A shadow of vermouth composes the chain,
as she whips the words against its cold link,
alas she bites against the flame again.

A bone-cracked brief foray into the haze,
pierced by onyx moon-beams that shine the way.
A magic, ultimate, powerful gaze
that guides itself beyond the yesterday.

A stream at the tale's end of the abyss.
Dip your toes, look back, and offer a grin.
Turn down the diamonds and offer a kiss.
Finally, you are ready to begin.

The demon who had but one to relate to,
Was labled as a monster by the one it adored,
For, envy already had consumed its heart,
An endless downward spiral,
Of uninspirational melancholy.

~ Umi