Being a person who strives and desires and pines after and craves nothing but human connection, it can feel incredibly disheartening not to recieve it from somebody. I want but one thing? I feel disappointed. I feel ripped off. I feel like it may be my fault. Had I not opened the doors? Had I kept my own closed?

At this point I know connection is somewhat out of my hands. There’s nothing I can do to force connection. In fact, if I feel it must be forced or coaxed or manipulated, I know deep down it’s not meant to happen in the first place.

To want but one thing but that thing being so full of magnitude and unspoken rights and perfection and timing and alignment, it hurts me. I’ve set myself up for disappointment. In the same breath I refuse to let go of this deep thirst or hunger. At times I feel it’s a dehydration. It’s hard. But when I am met with Nature’s graces and she places people and creatures and spirits in front of me, along with our mutual understanding that us together carry the indescribable gift of true understanding. To our cores.. Connection

You have talent
If you can live
In someone's skin
With
Poise

You’ve done more to my pride than I thought I would let anyone.
And I don’t miss you, but I miss the surety I had before you.
You made the world so much uglier and so much less kind.
I wish I could take back all the power I gave away.
I wish I hadn’t been so weak and blinded.
I wish I could punch you in the face.

Hello Dear…
__________________­
There's a lot of pain in my soul.
I don't feel like I can be seen, hence being a ghost.
I'm not calling the seen those who gather attention.
I've never been able to hold the necessary attention that is love.
I'm tiny.
Ugly.
Little to ńöẗḧïńġ...
But I'm something.
I mustered up courage deep inside me, somewhere in my shadow...
I pulled it out and coated it with what I thought was hope.
But whether it was or wasn't, it overpowered that courage.
It escalated until it had no other option but to fall.
When it fell, the choices were already in motion.
A result was ready to explode...and cause casualties.
...Or just one casualty.
I guess a ghost can see the future.
Its shadow can do more than foreshadow.
I opened up a door for courage...
But I let out a demon called melancholy.
I made a mistake...
And it led to another heartache.
I never knew that I was my own weakness...
Not until I was bitten by the Gloom Bug.

Tomorrow,
   To Borrow Time,
   To sign the lines that resign our lives away,

This is our time.
   Salute,
   And Stand Attention.

For We Are,
   The Next In Line.

~Robert van Lingen

Blue is a prevalent color
you can find it almost anywhere
at any and every turn
you can spot the color blue almost
immediately, within 3ft feet of you.

Is this the product of mans moodiness?
Are we that trapped and burdened with strife
that we paint the color blue incessantly,
unconsciously?
Or is it the appeal?
Are we that attracted to our own madness?
To the point we wear it on our heads
on our arms and on our legs.
Screaming with sirens of societies ennui .
The mind of many meld with angst and warfare
in self,
bombs away with blues.
Does the blues find man or does man find,
the blues?

Someday you search me
But everything
You will find
Are these letters
       I hope you remind me
But I will be there
Somewhere between
These pages.