Delighted
Excited
To be with you
Listen to your stories
Feel your energy
See your face
But are you coming
Or am I dreaming
Whichever it may be
Please allow me
To be

Every night as I go to bed with my conscious filled with remorse and my heart so heavy
I feel like a side of my body cries out in pain, and the other one feels wholly empty
Tears roll down my eyes as if I hadn’t cried enough during the day
Still, I wish there was a way in which I could just make the grief go away

My mind seems clouded with a million things, each of them ripping me apart
I feel so emotionally drained that even keeping up with my sanity seems so hard
Wanting to break free from the shackles of my mind, I now realize I can no longer carry
Carry the fear of futility, the fear of failure, the fear of everything. I just want to spend my youth in a merry

Insecurities forge the unrest I sense within my chest, they make me feel like nothing to the world I could give
The emotions that I have been suppressing have now left me suffocated, my ribs can no longer protect my heart by instilling all the pain, at any moment they might split
And though being thankful for everything I am blessed with, I feel like I don't even deserve a bit
With this constant thought running through my brain cells, I realise that I am slowly turning into an under-watered withering flower, with no desire to live

.
.
what I feel is,
confusing, fragile,
and rapidly changing

I am no Shakespeare;
not good in words but,
just a person who chained themselves
and lost the key

I write to feel, to procrastinate,
and maybe to blow off steam;
Hoping that each work bleeds
the feelings I want you to feel

being a crybaby is hard,
when you can't cry;
being emotional is frustrating,
when everything is too much

you bleed inside,
when you want to
act on those feelings,
[Not everything; can be expressed freely.]
That feeling is clawing
from the very depths of your being

They want to be free, do they not?
Despite that, they'll call you crazy
for feeling such things

Better to be rational
yet, they'll call you heartless
maybe something balanced would do

overwhelming feelings is a crime,
I guess dad told me why.

Society and its reality is relentless
a few several mistakes and
everything is in flames,
before you know it

Braid the rain into my hair
and let the clouds stitch these wounds
as I lay under this canopy of gray
Writing stories about nonsensical things
maybe you can find something of substance
from my exchanges with the moon

and if the stories are too hidden for you
look deep into the shadow
cast by my drooping eyelids
somewhere in the exhaustion
are secrets I have left for you

There are a million different ways to feel,
Pain and fear, before you start to heal.

Sometimes it comes all at once—
A punch to the gut, a kick to your shin.

Other times it’s like a haunting echo,
Nibbling in the depths of your mind — a soft bellow.

Late at night when you toss and turn,
It creeps upon you with a slow, aching burn.

If too much catches you by surprise—
You burst fast and bright, like fireworks against the night sky.

Try to control it and it fancies a little dance with you,
Little contractions to keep you on your toes—
slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

Never mind the anxiety you try to hide,
That feeling between Fear and Pain,
It is Agony, but you can call it any other name.

Life has ended, we're all dead.
The words are constantly stuck in my head.
I hear the screams and cries,
I hear them under all the lies.
Everyone is going under, but where to go?
You may have emotions but don't let them show.
You might want to try and be found,
But
Ashes
To
Ashes

We all fall down.

Today I woke up and I already knew
It was going to be
An Everything day.

It's what I call the days that you wake up and feel like your head is already full of bees,
And your stomach doesn't quite feel easy but rather queesy.
When I roll over to try to assimilate while I take in deep breaths, and as I stare at my ceiling I feel like my chest is exploding with every feeling under the sun.
I close my eyes as I try to decompress the vast,
Swirling Galaxy trying to remain contained within.
And the sounds of the fan in the background feels like the winds of a high mountain top and the light that randomly billows in feels like it's absorbing into my skin.

I breathe in
And feel it all fill my lungs with more than air but
Life!

And on the breath out, it all zooms back to me.

I go from the top of the cold Mountain view and it's icy winds that I was just breathing in, pulled back to the fan and the light in my window and as I exhale more air; the further I come back to my mind, my eyes open and there's that ceiling again.

The emotions and the thoughts still slowly swirling in and around me like the creamy designs that twirl clockwise in coffee after stirring.

I try to breathe,
But it just expands me more,
I breathe out,
I shrink into nobody
Until I become
No Thing.

How can I constantly feel
Everything and Nothing
All at once... For eternity...

You can write me down in our history books,
Say that I am a star, Say that I am a ****,
Some treated me good, an left an impression,
Most treated me like dirt, but yet I am just a introvert,
content with my thoughts and not reality dashboard,
Am thankful for everything that happens,
It's just on simple decision,
to be happy with what I have,
Not for what I desire,
What I should Look like,
What I should be doing,
If the whole world is against it,
Take my head, put on the tower, on the spike,
so the whole human race can see the delusions,
That I once had in life,
No children, no husband nor wife,
just dreams and desires,
nothing that God's or power requires,
but I guess that you cannot be free,
to have your own opinion,
see the whole world truths,
when we all want to be,
Little pretty liars,
just waiting for our lives to expire,
I don't care for religions,
But am pagan at heart,
No training to believe,
just stick to training pigeons,
Happy, looking at Mother Nature Art,
that we are a part of destroying,
making up fairy tail stories,
I hate my own kind, Blackheart,
But bury that lonely mouse,
found in the forest,
with a prayer to Mother,
to let his little spirit,
roam free for eternity,
Let this little body, decompose,
and feed the land, feed the rose,
Prayers to Cernunnos,
the Protector of the Forest,
Protector of all thing nature,

Oh Cernunnos, forgive humanity,
They have lost they way of nature,
though creating power and legislatures,
So don't be angry with all of us,
some of us still love you as our deity,
of nature and all things wild,
Take and care for the spirit of a child,
who died, they passed in undefiled,
They are innocent, don't exile,
Exile those who chose the path that reconciled,
Hear the ones who are true to the land,
True to the animals and true to elements,
Hear our wolf kid howls,
We are the true light child, the one moon child,

You can write me down in our history books,
Cause of the styles I chose, because of my looks,
Hell or Heaven, Exile or Free,
Don't class me, I was never one of those crooks.