because when i get what i want
i don't want it anymore
when i write
my words aren't pretty
i don't speak in symbols
or talk about the moon and sun and stars
im dying
without love or beauty inside me

there was something i wanted write
some thing i wanted to make right
but in the end, i lost sight
and moved on

there were many things i wished to do
many a thing that would've borne fruit
but nearer the finish, my light grew dimmish
so i moved on

you told me there was never
an answer to the question "forever"
but death knows different
because we move on

and there is no trying now
no sense in staving off the dying, anyhow
a distance merchant comes to pick up his purchase
of a bid you can't out

Death comes quickly now with deceit
Azrael's swift ****** and repeat
No time even to check his receipts
Where is the forty days' notice?
Covid. the Avatar's fatal diagnosis

Perpetual mourning is our daily hymn
As we dance to the Viral god's rhythm
No end to these incessant chords
Or spiraling treatment algorithms
  
A requiem for the abundant life force taken
Unceasing cantata from the earth's broken
The dark composition's erratic notes
Orchestrated death, or science hoax?

We don't need fireworks to end the year
But answers and solutions to our fears
Ring the world's religious bells instead
For a shrouded New Years lies ahead

Peace to the departed too soon

Winter 2021

i feel older now.
you can feel the stakes change.
aging, children, marriage, ... death.
bills become more worrisome.
money gets tight.
dreams diminish
thought stretched.
laziness...
depression.
... death.
Im sorry to the ones who didnt get to say goodbye.
the ones who couldnt go on.
for those who gave up.
im sorry.
I cant imagine suffocating like that.
except i can. and it hurts
I love you
Godspeed loved one.

I think about dying
At least once a day
It's gotten to the point
Where I crave death:
To the point where suicide
Doesn't seem so bad and selfish and cruel
But more like a solution to all my problems

Of course, I'd rather die
From natural causes
But the progression is way too slow
So, I'm trying to speed it up a little
By destroying my body in the best possible ways:

-Junk food
-Laziness
-And bad ******* hygiene