My mind feels
As though it
Flickers.
“Tick,
Tic,
Ti,
T.”

To experience ADD
is to have your brain
Switch between
Six different channels,
Six different themes.
It will always feel like you are
Rocketing between things.

In the span of a second,
Your mind will explore the dying children
In Mozambique.
In the next ponder,
Your mind indulges in the roleplay of
Naruto and the pink-haired chick.

I have no power over
Who dances in my play.
I know they bring flames,
But I’m uncertain as to
Who is managing the stage.
I am the director of this show, yet
I was banned to say.

The show has no ending, no beginning,
My life didn't come with instructions.
So I ****** it up and just lived with it.

In the moments that I daydream,
I always force myself to be in the present.
In fear that the world will think
I'm too dumb or complacent.
But that's just how my brain works.

Ten seconds gone,
I am travelling across the pool.
A red bruise on my lips and
A crack on my tooth.
I ask myself again,
Then and there,
How and when
Did I get this bruise?

It can be such a disadvantage,
It can be such a gift.
To be wholesome in a way,
But to also lack the basics.

I feel like I’m constantly living between
The two binary opposites.
As regulating emotions
can become a huge problem
I  may have creativity and the sway,
But I'm also managing my impulsivity every day.

Do you know
Why I zone out
And lose focus?
My world inside
Can just be too chaotic.
But trust that I'm working on it.

Regardless,
I know this faucet will flow seamlessly
And being more aware of this condition
Will only help me manage it.

So what have I to lose,
In the midst of this plight?
I’ve been writing a lot of poetry,
Haven’t I?

AOA

I’ve had this problem
since I was twelve
I never thought
that much of myself
you may not understand
a thing such as this
but life’s hard for a boy
when he thinks he’s got ****

he don’t sleep well at night
he dreads going to school
he stays out of the heat
and stays out of the pool
and it’s hard to find love
when he’s full of self-hate
and he can’t even tell
when he’s lost all that weight

when years later, he’s healthy
his memory sees
when he looks in the mirror
how he used to be
still he counts out the portions
he’s wasting away
though he’s 80 pounds lighter,
he still feels the same

I went down from 240
to 158
but i’m still that fat kid
that’s filled with self-hate
but I deal with it different
than I used to do
now i’m building lean muscle
at 172

I still have the same problem
I’m sick of this ****
when I look in the mirror
I’m still seeing ****
but I guess there’s not really
that much I can do
‘cos that kind of self-image
attaches to you