i knew he was gonna ruin me
like a natural disaster but i was
feeling a little bit dangerous that day
and the glint in his eyes made
me want him that much more

That girl sitting there
Such a beautiful tradgedy
Her body a grave
Her mind a travesty
The memories that scream from the deep
The nights she stays awake when she should be asleep
A fine example of anorexia at its finest
Anorexia, thin and spineless
A ghost pushing on
No one questions what went wrong
A disaster barely alive
Her eating disorder began to strive
Pained by her surroundings
Few could see her drowning
Trying to stay afloat each day
Few questioned if she was okay
She was very much alone
'Til the day she was simply bones.

Where the road ends and meets the future
I shall be here at the burnt out screen cross point,
Even when all breaks apart and you have no one
I will be there to keep a well lit joint!
If you are somewhere else and this is bothering you
Somehow, that I am OK with ****, grow up dipstick,
It's past the year 2015,
It's lately been OK with that stuff now.
Growing up fast on this big kid playground,
You throw a stick and it lands a gun on the ground,
Where it's totally uncool to be part of BLM,
But confederate flags, statues, Dukes,
And "privileged" are the new trend.
That's just how we all grew up fast all around!
On this endlessly changing, re-arranging
Educating, violent, strange place Mom, Dad, you-and-I roam,
This special little USA place full of haters we all call home.

I have a thing called a mood disorder.
With mood disorders, my moods flip
Rapidly and or without reason.
I can be laughing one second
The next is a crying mess.

I met this guy
He helped me so in return I helped him.
He then asked me out and I said yes.
It slightly made my mood disorder more manageable.

I’d bend over backwards to help him
And he would be in return help me aswell.
It was a give give relationship.

He begun to tell me he loved me
Naturally I said the same and knew I meant it.
But when he said it, it was questionable.

With my mood disorder it makes it hard to function some days.
He started to leave me alone because  he said it would make me worse with him around.
He started saying he picked up extra hours at work to get extra money
He started to say he didn’t feel the same way about me as he use to…

He said, “I think we should see other people”

Now whenever someone says something that triggers a memory of him
I am happy, sad, angry, and confused. My mood keeps flipping.
I start to recite memories while smiling which turns into tears streaming down my face.
I start to remember how he cared for me and how I cared for him.

I remember the time he was so depressed I stayed up for hours, so he wouldn’t harm himself…
I remember he stopped doing the same for me.

I thought it was love and he could accept me for my flaws.
I thought he wanted me and only me.
But then I found out, he cheated during it all.
Now I am a mess. I am not the same and still think about him.

He was my first true love…
My first true disaster.