Not a modern woman just a survival of the fittest thing
Still a work in progress but I try to heal what I did not create.

One way or another.

Yes, my acquiescence is salty,
It helps the rootlets grow.

For you,
With you,
By you.

Thank you

I've been wondering how to put this into words for months,
the aching feeling of missing something you haven't quite experienced,
how to long for something like you've had it before but never have,
I've come to the conclusion that I'm either suffering from a mild case of 'your crazy',
or the much realer and scarier version of my thoughts,
I have become homesick of a home I have yet to venture to,
and after much thought I feel this must be true,
but the scary thing is that I still have not a clue what to do.

You were born
Inside the old letters
I wrote when I was nine.
I dreamed of you slowly,
Pushing patience as you
Took your time.
You were warm,
Lying still and quiet,
Beneath my lonely mind.
I waited for your sweet eyes,
Looking past others as I
Waited in line.
You woke up
In my heartbeat,
When you held me that first time.
You were gracious,
So darling and spacious,
And I spread out this soul of mine.
You burst open
In my bloodstream,
When your skin melted into mine.
You were nesting and hiving,
Became scarred handwriting,
Hot to the touch on each freckle.
You fell asleep,
Stuck in a bad dream,
Where the real you walked away.
You were flailing and diving,
So unsure and crying,
And running away from me.
You are here,
You will always be here,
Stuck hopelessly in my heart.
You keep leaving and coming,
And my heart is always drumming,
I will always be humming for you.

why did i thought  i was getting better
who ever said i am?

its been months and i fell back
into the vast pit of nothingness

renewed my blades, supposedly for school
to slice paper boards for packaging lessons

everything is coming back to me. again
back to my head where it's not supposed to be

it comes and goes, comes and goes
as and when it wishes to

nobody really wants me anywhere
rather sympathetic to say it out loud

except for you

January 1st

Dear diary!  It is my fondest
Wish to record all of life's
Little events so that someone
Might one day re-live the
Magical moments of my life!

February 5th

Spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.
Had an early night.

August 14th

What an enchanting evening!
I met the most beautiful woman,
Tall and elegant,
Long dark flowing hair,
Ruby red lips,
Oh how wonderful life is!
Her name is Sally!!!

August 16th

Sally came over for dinner!
She seemed a bit nervous until
I invited her in and then we
Danced through the evening,
How delightful she is,
And dare I say how ***** too!
As we were kissing goodnight,
She bit me!

August 17th

Woke up feeling terrible,
How much wine did we drink
Last night?  Wrapped myself
Up in blankets and closed all
The curtains, weather outside
Is abominable.

August 18th

Awoke in the early hours
Feeling ravenous.  How can
Anyone feel this hungry?
Raided the fridge but all
I could find was some
Stringy salad, nothing to
Sink my teeth into.

August 19th

I feel so ill, haven't eaten
Properly in days, I think that
I'm wasting away; Looked in
The mirror and I couldn't
Even see myself, I'm that thin!
I wish Sally was here right now.

August 20th

This hunger is unbearable,
I could ****** for some food,
My skin is looking so pale
And I feel dreadful; God I
Wish I was dead.  I've been
Having weird dreams
About Sally, I think I've
Been hallucinating.

August 22nd

Roused from slumber by
Someone banging on the front
Door; Peeped round the curtains
And the light almost burnt
My retinas;  Looked like some
Doctor collecting for the
Red Cross.  I waited a while
And he drove off in his van.

August 23rd

Tonight I reached my limit;
Dragged myself to the car,
Hoping to nip to McDonald's
(Yeah, I'm THAT hungry), but
In this atrocious weather,
I was blind as a bat.

August 24th*

Doctor van dude came back,
Couldn't face seeing him
So shouted through the
Letterbox, asked him to
Come back with a big steak,
I do so hope he does.

... diary entries end ...