At the end, my hand
Nor my fingers trembled as
I grasped her pale neck.

Why don't they like me?
What can I do to change?
No matter what I do,
everything stays the same.

All of these thoughts
darting around inside my head.
As I write in my diary
words are leaping onto the two-page spread.

As these words come out, so do the tears
because I start to see all of my fears.
Now that they are in front of me it is all just too much
and so I take out my kit and start to cut....

As the blood runs down my arm
I can feel myself becoming calm.
In my head, I can hear them saying
just keep going and no telling!

I know that these thoughts are sometimes irrational,
but that doesn't stop me from taking them as factual.

Blank pages from my diary rustling near the window by my bed.

Soon to be weighed down by words I’ve not yet said.

My dreams unwanted memories my thoughts are bleeding red.

Imprisoned by my heartbreak red ink to paper bled.

I carry my thoughts in a leather-bound book.
Tied by a heartstring I've not yet forsook.

I open it often to reminisce what you took.
A rose thorn pierces my skin whenever I look.

My blood stains its pages amongst every nook.
Drawn like a Shepherd lovingly with his crook.

I carry my thoughts in a leather-bound book.
The story of heartbreak we two had partook.

When my emotions and thoughts are racing
out of control,
I record a voice diary
using my computer microphone;
I express freely
every emotion and thought
as it arises in my mind
without censorship;
I cry, sob, wail, scream -
but as I dry my tears
all the emotions and thoughts
that were pent up inside me
waiting to explode
are now dissipated
and I achieve peace of mind.

And maybe all I need is my 30-year old self to come here right now and tell me that everything will be okay, and that I made it.

— “I would’ve totally done that for my 13-year old self”

i told you i was busy. and i WAS busy, just in a way you would never understand. busy trying to forget about all of this, busy trying to remember it all. i was busy loving you while hatred ran through my veins. busy trying to convince myself that it would, indeed, be okay. that it’s MY fault you hurt me.

you occupy so much of my mind.

memories of you haunt me, lingering in the back of my mind every time i lay my head to sleep. get out of my head. get out of my head.