“Winter Nights”

I put on my headphones and walk out
into the winter snow.

It is 12:00 at night and the streets are dark,
the snow is falling,
the lights are throbbing.
Perfect place for a walk.

Walking in a way is relaxing,
it finds a way of enveloping the moment.
Quieting the loud noises.

Those quiet nights that almost feel isolating.
There’s no one out,
no one except me.

The silence is almost deafening,
it allows me to hear the thoughts I had hidden.
So my mind crowds,
full on unspoken words,
and heavy sentences.

Each time I walk my feet feel heavier,
the weight of my own life
holding me back.

But I don’t stop.
I keep walking even if
it gets hard.
Each breath coming out more ragged
and I’m just counting down the minutes
until I make it home.

I stop,
when I feel I can’t no more.
I get down on one knee and
catch my breath.
The coldness of the wet snow
sneaks into my warm jacket.

I don’t know why
or how,
but I get back up.
Back on the same two feet that once
brought me down.
And I walk,
until I’m sore,
until I can’t no more.

I rise because I swore I would never let myself fall into the kind of silence that swallows me whole anymore.

Until I finally see light.
I run faster,
and faster.
Then I reach it.

The light is you,
it’s always been you.
Because during the darkest times,
you never moved.
It was me.

You may find me...by the water, way too far to drown..in hell, waiting for the storm. Man of a lesser god. I am, who I claim to be, Child of the Blues. Resilient, nothing gonna break me. If it don't make cents. It's won't make dollars. left, right, body blow. Managing to slip few punches, but life is everlasting, unyielding meant to bend. Always outnumbered, always outgunned, I am not a mistake, like a supernova, the wind blows in from the west, to comfort and restore. I have no answers for what comes next, but I believe...I've been thru heartache and pains, and I won't lose to Me. See you at the summit.

A discarded white canvas,
that stares with hazy eyes.
It sees me contemplating
as I smile and cry.
  
I try intuition.
I try to forget the insults,
the petty competition.
  
Yet, the ink flows not
and the infinite cackles.
A million choices,
a singular outcome.
A singularity of
a dozen truths,
a dozen lies,
and a dozen perspectives.
  
“What do I say?”
  
The canvas smiles,
and my heart giggles.
  
They open their mouths to answer.
  
“Be as you are.”

I set track with this map of mismatch
That just tracks, and it stacks, and its lax,
On everyone — yet it drains, and it saps
The codex, the freakin’ stats of anyone who fights back
Try to relax, take a sip, but they snap
When I’m sad, like it’s bad, like I’m whack
Like I’m trash yet have the audacity to
bid no eye, and just wave and goodbye
To the ones who just **** up to you while I’m passin’ 'em by
And it’s always just them, and them, and again
And again and again man it pains me to bend — even then
I’m denied to take a stand, but ******* — enough is enough
Of this band — I’ma snap, I’ma crack, I’ma jest, I’ma Laugh
I’m this far away from the end of my thread
But I swear on the pain that I won’t let it end

For The years of torment, and the pains I couldn’t vent
You’ll feel till the end so just relax and repent
These verses are godsent, You fools better flinch, better **** in your pants.

And since birth, I’ve been cursed with this curse to just curse
And blurt this berserk and bizarre **** that works
And it helps in itself, it’s relief in the tension
That’s seepin’ through these sentences, stress in extension
That’s been eatin’ me recently off of my chest
And I still can’t even rest peacefully
No patience is in me, and if you offend me
I'm liftin' you ten feet in the air
I don't care who was there and who saw me, just jaw you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom, and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you
I don't mean to be mean
But that's all I can be, it's just me
And I am whatever you think I’m not
If I wasn’t then why would I say I’m not
In the paper, the news everyday’s a ****
Everything I’m not made me everything I’m
                                                                    -Asher Graves

Miles of Grit

Before the dawn, I rise and ride,
Legs like stone, lungs stretched wide.
Gravel roads become my prayer,
Spinning through pain, gasping air.

Unbound waits—one hundred miles,
Through Kansas dust and brutal trials.
Each climb I face, each breath I take,
Is built on choices others break.

I’ve trained through storms, through aching bone,
Pushed past the doubt when I felt alone.
Skipped birthdays, dinners, bedtime songs—
Chasing this dream for far too long.

But guilt, it rides my back some days,
When pedals steal the time that stays.
My family waits while I chase more,
Yet still they meet me at the door.

And then—the race.
Heat and grit beneath the sky,
Mile after mile, I wonder why.
Cramped legs scream, the wind cuts deep,
I think of every night I lost sleep.

But near the end—I see them there,
My son,  my love, their arms in air.
Cheering loud with muddy pride,
As tears break loose I’ve tried to hide.

This isn’t just about the ride.
It’s every moment I almost cried.
It’s every hill, each stubborn scar,
And all the hearts who brought me far.

The finish line—just gravel and paint,
But it holds the weight of what I ain’t:
A quitter. A shadow. A halfway flame—
No. I burned through every claim.

Proud not just of what I did,
But of the ones who let me live
This wild, relentless, arduous dream—
Together stronger. A family team.

© 2025 Shawn Oen. All rights reserved.

The flame was afraid to leave,
Did not want to be,
In a lamp,
A fire pit,
Alone.

Yet it can still shone,
To carry on,
And be the light,
For those in fright,
To signify those who carry him are not alone,
And with that,
He found his home.