My legs over yours, my face nuzzles into the crook of your neck. My hands holding onto yours loosely, but in such a way incase I slip I can cling to you for dear life. Because, I am falling, I'm slipping through the Hammock into the tall grass below us. I feel there I don't feel like I'm drifting off. Like my head is not spacing out. I can feel your heart beat. I can feel your embrace. As my hand traces circles on yours. Our eyes lock and I see you, I see you in focus.

There is a face in my mirror
I do not recognize--
blurry and dark around
the edges.
Static black and white
forms a portrait
of vaguely familiar nature.
I study closely
as it distorts
in size and distance.

A hand reaches out
and
I wonder
who it belongs to.
Tracing my eyes along the foreign limb
I see a body
I somehow feel I should know.

I close my eyes
and

f
       a
          d
                   e
                              a
                                 w
                                      a
                                                y.

Happiness was once mine
When I was forever young
The world was at my fingertips
Its miseries yet unsung.

As reality crushed me
And my happiness slipped away
I fell out of faith
My anger led me astray.

And so I turned to blazing screens
A new world within the one I'd known
Self-loathing poured from its depths
Crying, “You have always been alone.”

And then I turned to poetry
It was my sole source of light
It quelled my fears and gave me a way out.
I gained the upper hand in my fight.

Then he entered my life
And I thought my happiness was secure
The one I knew I would spend eternity with
Of this I was completely sure.


But then I turned to blood


I dragged the blade across my skin
Just like he had done, those broken promises
Our silent scarlet sin

All those hopes and visions I’d had
Slipped away with my blood
But I was staying strong for him
In my eyes, holding back this horrid flood.

I wish for the happiness of my youth
And the happiness of being real
But in the end, life only gives you hell.
This blood,this poetry
Is all you you'll ever feel.

TW

The world stands still
And a silent scream
Bounces off
The synthetic walls
As people transform
To hollow statues
Void of consciousness
A million miles
Away from here

The scream gets louder
And fills my empty chest
Tightly squeezing
Every inch of peace
Out of my pulsating veins

I dangle
On the edge of a cliff
And with every pulsating heartbeat
I loosen my grip

As words slip from my mind
The hands on the clock
Spiral down to hell
Taking my sanity with it
And I just
Feel
Everything

Till I'm numb
It fades away
I cry
And shake
I am saved

begin with a
disinfectant wipe
and wash your eyes
right off your face

(it might sting a little
but that's a small
price we all must pay
before we die)

next grind your
toenails down to a fine
sheen using only the
shower curtain

(it may take hundreds
of years and that's why
i'm telling you to
begin immediately)

let the roots of your
hair dig down into
the ground and slowly
bury your face

(at this point in the
procedure you may
pass out from lack of
air or lack of hope)

finally tattoo morse code
messages behind your ears
with a rusty safety pin and
old charcoal art pencils

(it doesn't matter what it
says because nobody can
read it back there nor
do they actually care to)

and submerge your
nose into isopropyl
rubbing alcohol just
to smell poisoned

but most importantly
of all when you begin
to experience pain so
intense you do not
have words with
which to describe it

always tell yourself
that nothing is real

n o t  y o u
n o t  a g o n y
n o t h i n g
i s  r e a l.

then take down the
noose hanging in
the back of your closet
turn off the light and
fall into the deepest
sleep of your life

*(whether or not you're
real or not doesn't matter
it just matters what you're
telling yourself to stay alive.)

Golden hour daughter
Splitting eyes gouging light—
Harboring disfunction, not
Finding sensory stimulation
Beyond illusion— overactive/>

Am I a life force,
Or a chair for it to sit?

Stitching pixels to form—
A drive to keep an open
Ripped rib wind— about  
My drouth stomach,
Itching, salivating…

I'm on the verge of tears
And I need to know why.
You'd think I'd know but I don't
and I don't want to try.

To try to to figure out life
and what is unseen.
To try to be part of the world
When I'm just looking through a screen.

And I don't want to try to
Make things right
Or try to stand up for myself
And put up a fight.

And I don't want to try to
Figure out who I am.
Or try to fix my heart
When I just don't give a ****

And honestly you'd think
Since I'm on the verge of tears
I'd know what is wrong with me
But I haven't for years.

And I'm drained from the fight
I've been putting up for so long
So excuse me if I'm done
With trying to figure out what's wrong.

I'm trapped in my own head.
The world is spinning around
And my breathing is hard.
My body is shaking and
I have no chance of waking
From this cage of fear
I have put myself in.
I put myself to sleep
Only to wake up
In this cage
Breathing hard
And head spinning.
And I can't feel a thing
Nothing is real
And I can't bring myself back
To the world of the living.
To the world I am barred from.
To the world I can only see
But never touch.
To the world I only watch in a dream.