I was asked to explain what I mean by
"Dead Inside"
Typically I pawn off a joking motion
waving my marionette arms
to hide the rabbit in the hat
I adequately nick-named misery
because it keeps me company.
But if you sawed me in half
I'm quite certain all you will find
inside is a silhouette of  man
dancing around in a light box
doing the same fruitless jig over and over.
A couple of loose strands
and a few holes in the images
but the end is the beginning
and I am putting on a show for you all now.
The curtain is  my mouth
strung so tight you'd think it was a smile
And the words I say spin round and round
not a genuine frown in sight.
The light may be on inside
but the picture never seems to change
day after day,
collect the pieces off the floor
get up,
fall in love,
trip over the same type of girl
have my heart shatter into pieces
fall back down on the side of the road
remember how uselessly alone I am;
rinse and repeat.
This is paper thin love
and see through expectations that will not fail.
And it doesn't matter which way you spin it.
Its A tragically bad silent comedy
that doesn't need a narrator to explain
Just how miserable the person inside really is.
My heart is just a silhouette of a man
and if you think you can put some tangibility
behind it and not have it shatter into 1000 pieces.
Congrats you too have joined the circus.
and spin round and round in my light box.

10 years ago you left this earth
10 years ago you died
you quit breathing
and I continued
you no longer smile
laugh
or cry
10 years ago you stopped living
yet I continued
and now
I gained eternal life
a life that was meant for you
and now
in everything I do
I can only think of you
and when I remember that you are dead
sometimes I wish
that I was you
-mel

she started realizing her worth
until she was set back again
she realized she drove everyone away
no one wants to deal with a broken little girl anyway

maybe she doesn't deserve anything
maybe she deserved the pain
after all she wasn't a perfect person
she's made a lot of mistakes

"maybe it's karma" she thought
she was spiraling more and more each day
she grew more angry with herself
and dark thoughts took over again

they creeped back into her mind, right when started doing well again
this time, the thoughts are more intense and strong
the temptation is there
but she knows she shouldn't give in

she wants to so badly though
she thinks she deserves to feel the pain
after all she drove everyone away
no one wants to deal with a broken girl anyway

I wish to be tossed
Onto the soft, rich topsoil
And devoured quickly
By wriggling worms and insects.
I wish I was dead.

We wake up most mornings with a sigh
Wanting a few more hours to lie
And get at least another hour of sleep.
In this thought we get in so deep

We begin the day with a smile accepting life as it comes
Overcoming struggles in all its form
But often forget to say our prayers
And forget to thank God for helping in all areas

In humans, four of every five
Keeps breathing but they're not alive
Living everyday wIthout having something to run after
Living life like an aimless drifter

Pictures don't ever change, just the people inside of them do
Whoever told you life would be easy, I promise was lieing to you.
Life remains the same, only situations change
Only God helps make them less hard and led strange

Sad but smiling
Dead but breathing
Hurt but happy
Existing but not living

You confessed you're feelings to me in a sweet little melody,
I liked you too.
But you know what I found out?
You're a back stabbing fake.
You had a girlfriend and you never told her how you felt.
Go on, take the knife and stab me,
You've already broken my heart.