Like a phoenix
I burst into a burning blaze
Of flames of pain
But like a phoenix
I will rise from the ashes
Of the burned memories
I will rise again
And become what I do not know

- Jay M
October 11th, 2021

there’s a gouging hole where my chest used to be
ever since the moment i met you
a tiny piece of me has crumbled and fallen to the floor
leaving trails of myself as i pass
and over the months as i have been chipped away at
my soul
has emptied

i’ve grown tired of the pain
i’ve grown tired of the wanting and the longing

i’ve rushed to pick up pieces of myself again but i found that they don’t fit

i am not the same anymore

we are not the same

nothing will be like it was
these months have sloshed like water, up and down and now the water is gone
a new tide has come in

and i don’t know how to fit here in these waters
what to expect from them

acceptance rolls in between my fingers
touching my skin and begging to be absorbed
this past month i have been playing with it in my hands, feeling its tacky sticky texture

it promises no returns, only a way to pick up my pieces again and fill in the gaps you left, with it’s presence

i lay on the ground
water laps at my body and pushes bits of me into the holes they once occupied

i lay

my hand is now covered in it, the acceptance

i lay in the slowness, the grey sounds of the water filling my ear and there is nothing i can do but wait

wait for the acceptance to over take my body
wait for myself to be whole again

i remember your face and i wonder how that’s ever possible

and yet here i am, being put back together and remedied

here i am


waiting for my impossibilities to soak into my skin and become possible

here i am