#criticism poems on Hello Poetry

Carlo C Gomez Feb 2020

There's a thin line
between simple
fashion faux pas
and the sin of visibility

She'd rather go commando
than be found out
hark! 'tis her own sisters
who will roast her alive

#women #fashion #underwear #insecurity #satire #humor #criticism

Marco Feb 2020

APPLE PARFAIT

Layers and layers and layers
of people, cars, buildings
the Big Apple
one giant parfait
loved by the rich
too expensive for the poor
a little for a lot
and the waiter smiles
fake and shallow
as he hands them the dessert
without them knowing he spat into it
and sprinkled it with the dust
of his bombed apartment on 64th
which lies in the past of another
bank
another office
another yoga oasis
another Apple parfait
for the rich

#political #criticism #antirich #nyc

Mark Toney Oct 2019

High-Wire

constructive or destructive - criticism’s delicate balance

#monoku #highwire #criticism #constructive #destructive #balance

Proctor Ehrling Sep 2019

a thought

My permanent mental state is an odd battle between paranoia and self-deprication.
Are they laughing behind my back or am I not worth a mention?

Right?

#funny #sad #paranoia #criticism #mention #worthless #******

Ceyhun Mahi Sep 2019

If Only

Had your thoughts been more pure like your skin,
As bright as the diamonds on your soft wrist,
Had you been more away from fault and sin,
Or giving each action a cunning twist,

And had you been more noble than fine art,
More modest like a meditating monk,
From desirous fame and names apart,
And not on an uncontrollable lust drunk,

Your style would have been much more prettier,
And pleasing to look at – without a doubt –
Both the inside and the exterior,
People would not see you as a washout.

But you'll not change until you see that rules
Shape prettiness right, like forms do to jewels.

#fame #sonnet #criticism

nja Aug 2019

Our Father’s Altar:

She worships you. Your sinful indulgence and all.
She laps up your grey blood
and nourishes her flab on your staleness.
On her weaknesses and confessions you elevate yourself.
Higher.
The altar cracks.
She darts to heel your splinter but her limbs are broken under the collapse.
Upset at her lack of agency and engrossed in prayer she drowns herself in her own tears unknowingly.
In the end your ***** amassed.
An unexpected end to a story of fatherly shepherding.
See not every story has a Noah and his Arc,
most end with the egotistical on the altar, and the saints martyred in the gutter.
Sacrifice is still bloodshed.

Criticisms of the Church.

#church #criticism #catholocism #martyr #sacrifice #altar #father #god #prayer #antireligion

Aa Harvey Jul 2019

16. Bee-ing rejected

Bee-ing rejected

The path to love is a long and winding road
And the road is in 3D when you fly through the air.
You can bee left behind so many times,
That you think that it will never go right,
Until you make it there.
There are so many ups with love,
But without love you are only ever let down.

Humble was no different, he wanted to bee loved like everybody else,
But sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times you try,
You always end up at the end of the night going home by yourself.
Humble was a trier, he would ask out every bee that he liked,
But try as he might and as much as he would have liked,
It seemed nobody would ever love him
And he was alone most of the time.
He had been rejected so many times that he decided to make a list.
The first one said this; the second one that
And this is the story of Humble B. Bumble and his love-life…
Ain’t it sad?

You’re always crying, boohoo.
You’re too happy; I am nothing like you.
You are just like me, because I like nothing about me.
We don’t think the same; you’re not fun, you’re a pain.
You are annoying me, buzz away little bee;
You have my sympathy, but you will never bee with me.
You’re too quiet, you talk too much.
You’re too weak, you’re not tough.
You’re too slow to make a move;
You’re too fast with your response to bee telling the truth.
Your clothes are bad; your hair is bad.
You’re far too sad to bee a bad boy.
You’re just having a laugh, you’re never serious;
You must bee delirious.
You’ve not cool, don’t bee a fool.
You’re too nice; you’re not nice enough.
You’re too far below me, you are not heading up.
You’re not ambitious, nor smart,
You’re never victorious and you are no work of art.
You can’t sing or dance; you wear the wrong kind of pants, no bling.
You live with your ‘rents, but you don’t pay rent.
You have no honey, I like honeys.
You ain’t funny; you are far beneath me.
You’re not pretty, you’re too silly.
You have no style, you are not unique
And you don’t have a perfect smile, ugly bee.
You think you are great, you’re always late,
I don’t like your face; we’re just mates.
I like him, you will never win.
You are such a loser; who is gonna choose ya?

So many times Humble searched for love
And when it was good it was really good!
But when it was sad, it was real love, I guess;
We will never know…
Do you think Humble will ever bee truly loved?...

(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

#bees #story #humble #love #sad #rejection #criticism #faults #image

Dariana Alvarez Jun 2019

Untitled

Words could not describe the aching in my
heart. The silence roars an anxious song like an
eternal sea crashing the waves onto the shore,
never looks at where it came from. Nobody knows.

Heavy breaths blow my frizzy baby hairs in
every direction and they touch your nose,

longing for the affection my depression begged you for.
Everyone tells me that I should never beg for love.
Fools they are for thinking
that I couldn't go on my knees.

This is my first attempt at an acrostic poem as a part of a poetry prompt to try writing in a form/style I have never tried before. THIS IS A VERY ROUGH FIRST DRAFT THAT I NEED CRITIQUES ON - PLEASE LEAVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS. My intent for the piece was to convey the heartbreak the speaker feels when all of a sudden their partner leaves and the speaker is left begging for love. I really want feedback and critiques so that I can move this "dead" poem forward.

#depression #critiques #criticism #feedback #love #heartbreak #longing #desperation #need #separation

imperfectstranger Mar 2019

Short

“Your poems are too short,”
Or so I’ve been told

But it’s the few true lines
That really touch the soul

Do you prefer long or short poems?

#criticism #short #true #touching #soul