He got his third birthday present;
A brand new 24-piece crayon set.
But he loved the most,
the second color from the left;
So used it all, with others intact.

Tomorrow is his birthday;
He is now thirteen.
He has ten 24-piece crayon sets;
Each missing the color green.

The body
I want
exists
through the veil of blood that spiderwebs above my eyelids.

The soul
I so desire
screams out like nails on a chalkboard, across my vanes-
and alone, underneath the cupboard drawer.

The human
I loved
hides underneath my larynx
and rests so heavily upon my soul.

It is the monster under my bed
but, I am no longer five so-
I assume night lights are out of the question.

Suddenly my body.
I stand on the floor
It's my home
For now it's my home
That's what we call it,
When words are used to speak
All those meanings we barely know
Where this floor is i stand,
My home.
But there's a body between us
In this world, my home, there's body between us,
Road fence and time between us
And a little grey but not in colour

I was built to live only this day
Not tomorrow or yesterday
And when i look look look
It seems like life lives his life in a tree
Because that's where i've found it all
Though who am i
The world fits into both these eyes only when it ever stops changing
But it
It will never

And maybe if then the world would recreate itself each day
And how could we ever know
In each day some theory could be truth
They all have in  common that it brought us here today.
No.
Nonono.
Only use the words that you can open into tunnels
(but only if you want to)

But where am i
Here
With the need to ecsape
Yes
First my body
I wished it
I wished
Only if the cage were made harder on the ouside rather than the inside
Then i might not be moulded
Pressed into corners and outer edges

First my body
Escape escape escape

Then find me someplace
Oh wow never have i written words like this way now
they are just like
They are like like my feet walking and they take me
Do i have to think to step
No i do not,
Only sometimes,
Now, see?
Words like foot steps on this day.
My feet keep shaking now.

Because there i am
Listen,
Leaving the world
I see this blue arch
That each day the sun kisses.
And at least one thousand faces only
I feel them smiling
And of course there are birds
Soundless ones
If my pupils might draw lines into the sky as they followed
They might leave trails there like a plane
Carry all those lives i will never  know
(just as the world does)

So i kept breathing
The world
And the world was hard to breathe
Like it was made for someone else.

To the mirror and the window
I almost searched
I don't know where i find this person,
Me.
Where did i see them more.

Find a safe space
Hibernate.
When my body runs, barely moving
And the voice runs along there beside it
(somehow i fall behind the world)
Tells me "i need a place, i need a place, to hide, my very own place"
Then it needs a place
Place to hide
You can see there
In the pace
Pacing
On ground when it's too real on my feet and so
Breathing and stepping.
When my eyes are hard lakes and the tears grow around.
Talking talking to myself

Oh wow oh wow oh wow
A den a den a den
A space
My place
Place of my own and escape
Oh wow.
Hibernate.
The smallest place to find some space.

There,
i find a need that's mine
Growing in me
Give me space, but none to move

My guitar my blanket the headboard of my bed,
They tell it to me nicely,
(a gentle falling)
But they won't hold me until.
And they won't find
The softer beating to put into this heart space
Smoother air to feel in this mouth

But cushions and cushions
Cushions
Every single one in this whole room
Scarf pillow and duvet
Piled in books and books
Only these lights could glow somehow like a fire
Little place i find myself

Keep me safe from my own self
But more so
More so i'm sorry
keep me safe from their every kindness.

Little hidden place
Walls of comfort
Holds me even like this body
Till this body shook and shook
Tills the hands that grip it together
slipped apart
and they slip
Till i slip through the fingers
Of the words and sounds that are me
But now here's a body.

I think my back
the bone
Backbone won't hold me up alone.

But there it is i'm not
I'm not like a flag on a flag pole

Some ribbon maybe
Like a ribbon piece
I see a willow fence
Green and life
A ribbon moves there
And tied on a willow fence
Am i a ribbon or like a handwritten wish
I dont know

I can't feel the wind.
But the wind
This thing with the wind
It's told me things about myself
But reallly
what i look for
I don't look, i don't look
And if i lose my eyes
i will see sunlight still
And where it moves
on my arms and on my legs.

Shivering and shivering
I do shiver
I do dedicate my life to living
But little
Little place,

Curled and curled
and curled into myself until hardly a thing,
Can i lose my eyes here
But could i sleep and sleep and sleep in this body
And in every space around it
until i find i am awake.

The air must be cool then,
The air needs to be cool.
This air must taste so much like coldness
How water runs from some wet hair
This must be the air
There on a naked back see the river-wet hair finding its way
finds a path in the shadow line of a rained-on back
a neck is a cliff face
and too there's the walkway
shoulder to shoulder
Delicate walkway
And your eyes
watch for the cave

I won't forget air
I need to feel it on each side of my tongue.
cold cold cold.
air to taste
that feeling
When then and only then
will you have tasted enough of what you tasted
does anyone know?

Then in the deepest moment
Deep within the evening
Deep as though it were the sea
The evening ocean.
Surrounded surrounded by
surrounded in evening
And so filled is my hollow with evening evening evening
That I become a ships ruin
Brought to life in this new way

I might wait on this sandy woodland path
For darkness on my skin
and pressing more.
like skin can't be skin on these bones
To grow and to grow.

Follow this sand and earth my feet know
Even with stick and stone
Walk these familiar strides i know
Finding strange lights, these movements of the earth,
Pass an echo caught in the grass
But these feet walk this ground
This this ground
Take me to this place i know
Find the upwards *****

Here now i might just forget each word i just spoke
Forget the voice who is speaking letters
To a silent ear or from a silent mouth
If i could hear each leaf falling my body might collapse around me.


Find the upwards *****
And when I reach it
I might reach out my arms to hold the moon

Holding a crayon with those petite fingers
Yet to discover colours and their hues
A gentle stroke and some hard
In circles, lines and what not
Every scribble seems like a masterpiece
When you are the artist

I want my stone
It's in
It's a pocket
A cave 
I'd never like to find myself there
But for my hand
I want my stone
Where's my stone
To go into my stone

Tear scent denim on the bedroom floor,
cradle for a cheekbone.
A portable reading light
A book bent backwards
A coiled ribbon
There 
They are me
On this bedroom floor
Under one table
where someone was once beautiful
and then still also after

If the world would touch me softly please
I might pretend that i am barely there
And the world might pretend it too

Is it possible to focus a moment more into one sense?
Maybe could i live one moment as more a sound

Tree branches almost seem
Like they move slower
Than the wind and air
Sometimes
And now
Thats me
Sometimes

But i can't stay
You were hurting me with the bin
And the unwanted
It was not needed 
Maybe i understand
But no
Nothing nothing
No 

A piece of thread floating
But moving past the leaf canopy
And the town
Village landscape
But glimpsing glimpsing the pale blue
Across those few changing colours

Old place 
Where i left my thoughts
I can see you now
But i never quite left it all

One day 
The light won't
Touch your naked skin anymore
When houses are the haunting
And my ghosts were your life

Possibly the **** of the first time i tried
Who else burried a heartbeat maybe
Under stone or nettle
Or in your earth and life?

Still you take me to you
Not even a stony galaxy 
Though that word seems not-right
Thank you thank you
A place that won't leave dents in my knees

Like a polished statue head
Not beauty
In fact
I almost melt
But there's a person of 
A passing person
A barely there and rarely remembered person about it
Them

vision then
vision then
but i must be breathing or
something close like an echo
coz my hands are speaking,
like these words
and changing screens
they came from this very day

my body has used this now place
here
like a human
and.

I'd just like to be just a figure in their bed now
gentle and blending
in softness and calm
stillness
like to inhale

A face weighs down shoulders
Don't make me a person

but please
though.

i never liked an uninvited light
when it sliced through my night-space

But a whisper
I don't know
But i know sometimes there's this imprint on the pillow beside me
just then i picture the walking man i spoke of once before
but no
but absolutely not like it at all
coz this whisper
is like the space of a something.
The world knows

Thank you

Lost thing
i was once scared by the wind in a tree,
ashamed to say but
but
no i am not really
but
fear was breathing.
But let me recommend you.
Sit on the stairs
when you want some space to be alone,
People passing you there come and just go. 

Or when you feel like that feeling you dont know 
Sit on the stairs,
on some step 
Because
All they ever want is to be here or to be there, 

The inbetween
no no no no
Look theres the blue
forget the tree
or remember if it helps
So if you would just sit on the stairs,
If you want to be alone,
Sit on the stairs.

on the stairs 
On this day
There's a cheek
feel a cream carpet edge
And a face like burning
And a wooden smell
(one who never flew)
Closer to perfection than over half of most the some things.

Poke a bare leg through a white bannister.
Fishing for thoughts
Corners and angles.

And
Bear with me, but
If the sky is the sky
And the sea is the sea,
Why is the wind all together
And the wave all alone?

Rain and the grass and the dirt on my face. 
They like my vest and collarbones
And bare grass legs
But Or Sometimes
Peel the tights from the legs 
And see the camping
The caravan moment
Quick and passing.
Hidden away.

But i guess there can be GUSTS of wind can't there though?

Gusts
Disgust?
Who's sure about gusts?
Not sure i need gusts
It might be like love,
Remember
Not sure that i need that now.

Away away
We want to fly there
But who else have we told to go there?
We look there in guilt
But then so too do they
Away away away
Let us go away.

I need to write I need 
To write I
Need to write

Right right
Know
No, I dont need to

It like there's buzzing in my hands
Its like there's buzzing in my body
Like my head's rocking backwads and forewards


I see the open window 
And I want to hang out of it
With my weight on my hips
Just like.
Rocking rocking
And. Air

I always need it now
And the way the letters look when I type
Just fast enough
Like theres movement
Like i'm busy
When i'm only sitting down

Its like the colours have gone inverse around my eyes

Like negative colours swirling
Framing everything i see
Like its a tunnnel

But i'm not moving through it because the end is big and clear
And im already there

I can't have faith that's it
(But there is no certainty though in those words i just spoke)
How many times i've wished i might be
That squirrel up in a tree
Free free free free
But he'll never go far

I tried to make art yesterday
I found paper, tape, pens and magazine
A cocktail stick

It looked like *******
I crumpled the paper with oil pastelled hands
I stabbed a cocktail stick through the lines
Wound the tape, wound the tape.

I poured my tea over it
Poured the tea
And it bled red 
From the marks of a red pen 

But no now is today
Nonoooo  why did I go back?
Now is shaking.
Flies on the glass,
But they ruin the dream
But they made a new one
But they never knew. 

Sofa sofa and cardboard boxes
Like im in a coat again

Where am I going
I'm not there yet 
I want to fly
I was scared to admit it before
Or I wasnt sure
But i'd like to fly
Fly fly

Shaking legs
My eyes aren't right not right
My eyes are dragging too much
Its like the weight's on the bottom
Like a hammock but no swinging noo

Why are there sparkles on the floor?
Who thought of the teapot plant *** outside?
I can see it coz it's white
Everything else is black
But the giant teapot is white there
 in the night garden out of the window
Who thought of it?
Who designed it?
How was it made?
Where are they now?
I hope they stilll make things

Never stop making
I'd like to be someone who never stops making
And creating
But i'd like to be someone who starts making

Spiders think they own their house,
Coz they built their web
On these walls we built
And this house that we made

Hahaha
Haha
Hahhhhh

But we built our house on somebody's floor, 
(Or someone's wall
Whatever direction they walk in?)

And we built this town on somebody's floor

But I didnt build it
No

Labels
White sticky labels
Only found them again when I no  longer needed them

Lets all just live in the world okay
Or even no
Live where you like

2 rules:
Be kind.
Make people happy,
In the very least
Try.

But I dont make the rules
Nononono
Forget the rules
I can't make rules
I can't close it
No closing
Everything just be
Everything
Spill over
Spill over

Open.

Maybe I'm done being
Just a nobody
Waiting for my voice to be heard
People to point and whisper
Its her.

I'm done being just a shadow
A face in the faceless crowd
Im gonna fly like a sparrow
And drown the chatter out.

People are going to freeze
When they hear me speak.
Or so thats the plan
But I'm the white crayon,
And there no more more black paper.

Im so done leading,
This useless life!
Can't make people smile,
Can't end the fights.

So watch me rise!
Watch me reach my peak!
Make a new mountain,
In only a week.

Never stop rising,
Stop being the best me.
At least thats the plan,
The brightest crayon.

you are like a white crayon
valuable with superseding other colors
you show authority when no one else would

and for you, my white crayon
may i never stray away from objectives
and may you always be simply
a white crayon
useless in the eyes of some, but when used in a correct manner
you become infinite.