The Cost…by Jessie 2/07

As I stood on the hill surveying
The blackened aftermath
I peered with the eye of an eagle
For life, to cross my path
Many hours I stood there waiting
My rifle tucked under my chin
The sun in the sky, began falling
And realization rolled in with the wind
Nothing was moving
Because nothing was left
Destruction had taken them all
It seemed I was the only one standing
So I allowed my rifle to fall
I gazed to the north
Then back to the south
Not sure, which way I should go
Feeling faint, I dropped to my knees
From the wound in my side, the blood flowed
With shallow breath and cold setting in
I asked myself… what was the cost?
The only thing gained on this ****** day
Was fathers and son were all lost

You think you're right?
Talk about putting up a fight!
How can that be true,
When the only ones that believes is you.

You're wrong, forever and ever.
I don't even need to try to be clever.
Why do you fight back, you've already lost.
Just stop now, while still low is the cost!

What did you just say? No really, I missed it.
I'm sorry I acted like such a twit.
Dinner tonight? Oh you're busy.
That's alright. Man I'm dizzy.

Did she really say that to me?
Never has she been so busy like a bee.
Maybe she's avoiding contact
No, it's probably just an act.

She'll come back to me tomorrow
Free from tears of sorrow.
I hope that's how this ends
And not-- nevermind, my thoughts may not bend.

The next morning she had not returned.
My love, my love, to thee I yearn.
Tears bleed from my eyes,
The gods pick at me, like flies.

Heat fills my face, my breaths stagger.
I love you, please don't be gone.
Please, I can't live without you.
I- I- can't go on. Please come back my love.

Tears on my clothing was the least of my problems.
My life used to be stable, held by columns.
Your absence has weakened them.
What's left is nothing without my gem.

I'm ruined, done with.
With what I thought was a myth.
It's true, don't ever forget it.
My love has been lost, a cost because of wit.

""It's weird, you know. Meeting all the requirements for living things, but not feeling like it. You tell yourself just breathe, breathe in an out, in and out, until you can do it without reminding yourself. I find it amazing. What makes us human? Genetically, trillions of things, but what makes us separate from all these 'wild animals'? Compassion? Compromise? I haven't seen that in years. At least not in genuine fashion. Those all come at a cost. Everyone wants something in return for it. I think that's what fuels my fire, knowing everything comes at a price."
"Love comes at no cost" she'd say.
"Love comes at the highest cost: there is expected love in return. There, you are expected to keep living, breathing. They want you around, even if you don't want to be there yourself. That's the cost of living and love. Doing more than just existing in this world, even if it's just for others sake.""

I was born with dollar signs on my back
As if that is all I would ever be worth
As if that was all I would ever be good for
The amount splayed under my fingernails
From digging into my skin
A gold mine that was never mine
A land mine I'd one day die in.
I was a wealth of potential
And then expectations
And then disappointment
And then simply vibrations
Of thoughts and feelings
Constant worries
A jackpot siren of insecurity
A lottery I was born to win
Where winning meant spending
The last of my birth
On a life too cheap
To mean anything
And a lifetime of work
To make it cost more

The First Sorrowful Mystery: The Agony in the Garden

Shortly before his death, Jesus goes to the garden to pray for grace and strength. He tells his disciples "Watch and Pray" Jesus enters into prayer so deeply that his sweat is as drops of blood mixing on the ground with his tears. Even in the great darknss and desolation, he finds strength to say: "Let this cup pass before me. But not my will, but as you will it Father."

Jesus tells us as he told his disciples "Watch and Pray". It sounds like a pretty simple task, but it's hard. In the midst of the darkness and despair, Jesus found strength and grace in prayer to his Father. In our darkest times, we can also call on our Father in heaven to sustain us. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane was as the Garden of Eden after the sin of Adam and Eve. Blood was used to cover sin and wash it away. The blood, sweat and tears in the garden are a reminder of our fallen state as well as an example of the Eucharist with blood and water.

We Pray: Jesus, help us to remember that whatever we go through in life, even and especially in our darkest times, remind us of the strength and grace we receive from our Heavenly Father. Help us also remember of your great love for us in your suffering and agony. Even when we fail, when we sin, when we turn away, you are with us. You love us, you forgive us, you run out to us and take us back. You counted up the cost and we are worth it. It cost everything and you paid the price so we wouldn't have to. Nothing we could ever do could amount to what you gave The best I can do is offer my life for you and my neighbor and try to die to myself daily. I am truly and eternally grateful, for by your amazing grace, I have the opportunity to be with you for all eternity. Thank you Jesus!