sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.

You aren't anything I want.
Your eyes alight at the chance to prove yourself
superior.
Being older shouldn't be an accomplishment
It's a shame
For you.

Wish I hadn't noticed the strange noise I heard.
Whispers from within,
screaming to reach open air,
itching under my skin,
to be real and true and free.

Gravity shifts quietly, gently
I feel a weight in my arm, unbalanced
tipping towards you
wanting to stretch past the space
the wide space
6 feet exactly,
exactly too close
not far enough.

Pretentious, obnoxious
and yet
I still long
For you.

And then, seeing only part of your face,
the other half obscured by a mask
A physical one
As I wore a different type beneath my own
blue filter
One that didn't show the way my eyes pleaded
to drag over to the right
where I could see you.
To where I could pine
For you.

I know it's impossible,
infallibly fantastical.
But seeing your face,
Again I feel that buzz of attraction
For you.

I still see you when I close my eyes and let my mind wander
I wonder how your face would feel against mine
Wonder how we would feel together.

in the wisps of mist
stroking the curves
of a sleeping mountain
I hear a call

husky tones
siphoned off
by a cold wind
mocking

I see you still
as a filtered moon
drifts over my lashes
quivering

like the scent of you
as we dance
skin to skin
close

Come here,

Let me taste & bite softly into those lips little lady
Juicy like my favorite candy,
that’s a “Now & Later”.
Kissing on my neck, giving me hickeys
Loving my scent, always stealing my hoodies.
Grab you, squeeze you, spank you, thank you
No one else deserves this treatment like you do.
I want you to focus, watch, & observe
Lick, slurp, oh I struck a nerve.
Please you, please you, keeps you so eager
Those jeans cause trouble the way them cheeks just sit up.
In public so sweet, but my private lil’ freak
I peep you trying to play me for keeps.
Attractive, Delicious, Teasing, Yummy
Keep you around cause you stay stunning.
Bragging to others you’re taken & that I’m your man
I like that cause I needed boo thang like you on my hands.