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Emery Feine Oct 2024
I've never known love
Yes, I've seen the word everywhere
Seen others experience it
Yet I never have
But I thought I did

I mistook lust for love
And when he lusted over the innocence and
purity of my white rabbit self
I assumed that it was love
Because I'd never been loved before

And when I was younger
And he would always physically hurt me
His parents said it meant he liked me
My parents said that's just how boys are
So I assumed that it was love

And back to the first man I've ever dated
Though I don't like to consider him
When he pressured me into a relationship
When he was ten years older than me
But I stayed
Because I thought it was love

And then my freedom was taken for 768 days
Because they caught me talking to the man
I couldn't tell any of my friends
Any of them that I was groomed
Because I didn't know if it "counted" if it was online
I didn't know if it was love

I knew another guy at the time
One who knew my groomer
And I fell in love with him
I thought that I'd finally found love
But after he broke up with me
And crawled back eight months later
He admitted to talking to other people
In the whole sixteen days we dated.
I was partially loved for sixteen days.

And finally, in the spring
I met a third guy I told others about
But I wish I didn't
I asked him to ask me out
But he never did
He responded to my love
With jokes about ****
And sexist remarks, so I left

There have been many other guys along the way
With the two I've dated
One I talked to, one groomed me, one cheated

Lusted, but never loved
Just to fill in for someone else
And I hold my independence proudly
But I've had it ever since I was born

I've watched everyone else fall in love
Yet I watch from the sidelines
Wondering when I'll be loved
Truly loved
For once in my life.
this is my 125th poem, written on 9/21/24. every poem I have written, every issue in my life, has somehow been correlated to this. I was blamed for when I was groomed, and I did not have the words to speak up, but now I have.
Emery Feine Oct 2024
he tore, he wore and ran to me, and tried to eat my brains

the sun and fun that came before, were drowned out by the rains

he left my guts spilling out and a hole inside my head

he left my heart spilling out and left me lying dead

the life that once was part of me had been turned down to scraps

it melted down and seeped out through the earth’s loving cracks

he crushed my light pink lungs and i gasped out a last breath

he gouged out both my eyes, now with the haziness of death

he threw my body to the lake but i floated to the top

blood spilled out of my body but i floated to the top

few citizens of the town saw me floating away that night

but they didn’t report the body, too much of a sight

they blamed me for the fact that i was there, floating dead

they assumed that it was me, with the hole inside my head

upon my blood full of justice, fully full of red

upon my eyes full of revenge, fully full of dead
this is my 122nd poem, written on 9/1/24. it took me three years to be able to write this
Emery Feine Oct 2024
I met my rose in full bloom
But it had to wilt too soon

It was a beautiful painting, in a bright wooden frame
And no two ever looked at it the same

You were like a duck, sailing on a bright blue pond
I never knew that you'd have to go, so far long gone

Your comforting structure had turned to dust
And your shining walls had begun to rust

This place was built on a conjoined dream
It was so much more than we'd ever seen

I learned what it was like in my own mind
I learned what it was like for someone to be so kind

When we saw the rubble, we all held hands
Looking at the ruins and thousand sands

It was the one place where I could be wild
The one place where I could truly be a child

But even though you were destined to fail
Thank you for teaching me how to live, My Vale
this is my 116th poem, written on 8/3/24
Emery Feine Oct 2024
I stepped into life's train station
But I hadn't noticed their scheme
And they took away my imagination
And they took away my dream

On the train I looked out the tinted glass
But the ride wasn't what it seemed
Because they took away my ticket pass
And they took away my dream.
this is my 104th poem, written on 6/4/24
Emery Feine Oct 2024
I looked the demon in the eyes
I saw through its mask and lies

A dark, foggy, circling, shadowy pit
And this shadow, I put my hand through it

I caught sight of my childhood self
Being choked by the Shadow, damaging her health

"Let go!" I called to her
"Never! There is no cure!"

So I responded, "Fly again, my little dove!"
To which she replied, "I just want love."

"In a wound, you are putting salt,"
"I'm telling you, it wasn't your fault!"

And with these words, the Shadow flew across the room
I hugged my younger self, then grabbed a broom

I jabbed at the demon with an angry fit
When younger me whispered, "Do not hurt it."

And before I could try to understand her pain
I saw her darkness and the Shadow linked by chain

I dropped the broom and grabbed a knife
And started to sever their conjoined lives

I heard a faint wail from the Shadow and the child
Severing it and hurting her would be completely wild

I turned to the Shadow, "I have a deal,"
"Unchaining yourself, but remaining by our side would be ideal."

The chain disappeared, and the Shadow hovered
And when I took me and the child outside, us he covered

I led myself to the edge of the world
With all the Shadow's troubles left unfurled

I led her to an empty beach
The sky, the color of a ripe, juicy peach

We laid on the sand, staring at the sky
While the Shadow behind us would fly

We watched the sun slowly go down
Underneath the ocean it began to drown

And when the sun disappeared totally under the sea's blue
I turned around, and turns out the Shadow did too
this is my 101st poem, written on 5/19/24, my birthday !! yeah I don't like this one :(
Emery Feine Oct 2024
It comes, it runs throughout this place
It covers, it hovers without a trace
And everything we once loved
We'll never again face

These castle walls were turned from bronze to rust
Shattered from the years of betrayal and mistrust
And the sands which one sparked our dreams
Are now only replaced by dust
this is my 99th poem, written on 5/10/24
Emery Feine Oct 2024
After an incident of shame and guilt
I left my home misbegotten
And when I returned two years later
I was surprised that I wasn't forgotten.
this is my 96th poem, written on 5/5/24
Emery Feine Oct 2024
I remember being alone, stuck in the mud
I remember my hands being stained with red blood
And even when the times got tough
My hard work was never enough
I'm not as perfect as you all see
My whole life I've just been trying to be free
My whole life I've waited to shine
But I'm still waiting for the right time
To you, I'm all a secret
But I'm a stranger, can you feel it?
I guess I'm so used to pain
That I'll take it over warm, summer rain
And when I have to deal with all listed above
There's a weight on my shoulders, that some call love
I've been waiting for something new
And right on my doorstep appears you
I'm running to a place way long gone
I don't even know what I am running from
But I do know I'd run 100 miles, back and to
Just so I could get one look at you
But even if I'm with you and your artists
That is not truly where my heart is
All my memories of the past are fake
I threw them in the thousand-feet deep lake
What was I even supposed to do?
I didn't know what I got myself into
this is my 95th poem, written on 4/26/24
Emery Feine Oct 2024
On a firefly lit night, the clouds a quiet grey
Plants blowing from the wind of an ending day
With the calming darkness of an eternal evening
Lit by the fireflies from late May

Dancing flames flutter above the field below
Little stars on the ground shine with their glow
And we'd catch these stars in our little hands
We'd admire their beauty, then let them go

There was a faint warmth that lingered on our skin
And a smile that made us dizzy, like a never-ending spin
You could smell the flowers from a distance away
Then wonder if this is where you should've always been

With laughter circling all around
With a light in the night near the darkened ground
With a heart racing from exhilarating excitement
With the despair of a dream that'll never come back 'round

The clouds, now less loud, are not shaken by a shout cheerful and wild
And now the old flower, whether rose or sunflower, are now not contently watching a child

An ember, thought to last forever, burned down to an ash
A memory, thought to last forever, disappeared in a flash

The fireflies still glide with their pride above the darkened ground
In their flight, lighting up the night, a night now with no sound

A memory, gold and bold, that we didn't know we made
In the wear and tear of life was sure to fade

It's fragile beauty danced up and down the trees
Moonlit night clouds with a serene breeze
Though that day may seem like it could go forever on
Our perpetual dreams are now perpetually long gone

Time seemed to move slowly, yet it was only going faster
As I held in my hands the bright petals of a radiant purple aster
If not for those fireflies, we would not be able to see
How this late evening in May would be stuck with us eternally

If we could go back one more time
Back to the night of the firefly's shine
If we could go back to that golden night
Then that would be the most wondrous sight

Though we were all there as kids, just to play
We have no more need to go back or stay
If I returned there, like we had always swore
There would be no one there anymore

Firefly lit nights seemed to last forever on that late evening in May
But like the firefly's dimming light, not even time was there to stay.
this is my 82nd poem, written on 2/15/24. I had to write this for an English class last year and I got the highest score yippee !!
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