Writing down on blue
sticky notes -mental for
my working memory.

It's a moment before you start
The pause after you've finished
The continuation after the pause
It's reviewing yourself in the goal you have in mind
Making it toward the line that means you made it
Make it everyday
Start it
Pause
Continue the next item
Review
Disobedience to the list ensures no outcomes
Obedience is an A for Effort and a satisfying day done efficiently
Follow it to the letter
This is the founding of civilisations
Rituals, Manners, Habits
Let yourself follow
In order to follow through

Awareness-
it's been five hours since I started internet surfing.
Look away from the screen.
Breathe in, out.

Body check:
Am I stiff?
Then:
         Consciously relax my shoulders, my arms, my face.
         Adjust my position.
How am I feeling:
cold?
anxious?
scattered?

Am I tense because of:
hunger?
thirst?
a full bladder or number two?

Pause, then rise up and do it.
A washroom or stretch break.
A sweater, a snack.
Short exercise.
Hugs.

Then resume, or stop for the day.

I’ve never quite understood
Those who judge beauty
On a checklist
Whose boxes are drawn
By the pens of society

Because what is beauty,
if not in the eye of the beholder?
And what is beauty,
if not abstract
and utterly idiosyncratic?

Is this the real world,
A ticking time bomb?
Or a clock,
As I hope I won't explode.

In my career I need to rise,
Be successful and stable with an iron fist
At the same time I need to find a husband but I'm not even meeting people
Have kids young so I'm an active grandmother,
But then, what about my job?

Everyone is having children older these days,
They say,
But what about my biologicial countdown timer?
A woman called me a 'lady' the other day,
And my friends are getting married.

Is life a checklist?
If so, maybe the world needs to rethink.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah sure.

No like one of those serious questions that most people never bring up on dates.

Okay.

What are you looking for in a future husband?

Well, first off, none of that typical stuff, like giving me roses. Not every girl loves roses. And if you give me those I know you don't know me. I'd rather have the purple and pink flocks that grow wild on the side of the road.

And if you're going to buy me jewelry, don't. I'd rather go to a destination than get a diamond.

And I don't want you to say I love you without your eyes speaking it too.

And don't complement me on how I'm pretty. Because if the only thing you can find positive about is is that I'm pretty then I've failed. I want to be so much more than pretty.

And if we're in public don't think you have to always touch me or claim me as your own. No insecurity. You should know I'm loyal without me showing physical affection infront of everyone.

But most of all, I want a man who I can believe in, root for, support and have the courage to not limit me to a wifely role but take me as his companion, his partner in crime.

Never below, never above, beside.