Three boys
I was the youngest
A family of five
In a big old house
With ONE bathroom

I learned the valuable lesson
Of waiting
Patiently
How to hold
It

And getting ready for school
Was a choreography
Of hierarchy
And I would wait
And wait

Until the yellow tiled room was mine
Alone
And I could brush my teeth
In peace
Then spit

Then look in the mirror
Comb my hair
And grin at that kid
Smiling a crooked smile at me
And say “good enough for a small town”

I need to warn him
that he is in danger
I need to tell him to run
far away

I run as fast as I can to the place
                                                                   he is late
                                                                  
                                                                he has a calm face
                                                      something definitely happened
all I know is I need to help

               once again we argue
      no one winning
we yell out how we feel

                                                   but he just holds up his gun to me
                                        he says he will deal with his own conflicts

I can't do anything
but I have to

                                                 he holds the gun to his own head

I yell his name

                                                        ...

I stare at his body

                                                             ...

tears roll down
and all I do is just stare at him
I can't do anything anymore
my brother, he is gone

He is lost to me,
His madness, his magic,
Together we were beautiful,
Only his fire remains,
He is lost to me,
He is coming for me

what do i love...?

everytime someone asks me that,
i think of my family. my parents, brother and sister,
niece and nephews, but...

that would be a lie. would i die for them? yes. but only because they are family, there are a few persons among them whom i cannot stand.
if some of them were not my kin, i wouldnt even consider putting my hand into a fire for them.

its hard to admit but its the truth.

the real things that you love are,
things which shouldnt mean anything to you. but they still do.
for example;
friends.

Well, I mean, do guys who drive hot, fast cars like girls like...me?!  That either remains to be seen, or laughed to scorn.


(sonnet #MMMMMMMDCCCXLII)


As if to what? my brother lo, fr'intents
Remembers what "his" name is, like'd avail,
Yes, all on "April Fools," and tells me, frail
Though any use is for that note, cuz sense
By dinner's revelation swears twas thence
Some bad joke I played on myself, sans bail,
Whiles how my brothers rate his car's detail
T'effect:  "fast, hot...stupid." O pretense!
So where I whispered that, "I'll know for sure
Tomorrow morning," sigh.  For was that true?
Go laugh at me, cuz I don't want in poor
'Scuse to lay dreams to rest.  I'm weary, to
Be certain, of this awful game; know fer
All that tis folly, but I want it too.

02Apr19b

1.  Your cornflower blue eyes crinkled and laughing, sometimes flashing like the storms you love to chase

2. Your strawberry blond mop that smelled nothing like fruit but instead of sweat and grime, clinging to your brow when you removed that Pepsi baseball cap

3. Easter egg hunts on your birthday, like plastic flowers in melted snow and you up trees and on the roof of grandma's garage

4. Rare compromises that built tree forts or wound up the tire swing until it bounced and whirled its passenger like a spinning top

5. When everything you did, I wanted to do too--whether it was rescuing the princess or flying an X-wing

6. Diddy and Dixie Kong headlocked and tangled in armpits, wrestling for the Super Nintendo controller or for the remote for the VCR until Donkey had enough and made them both watch Barney

7. The laughter of you and your friends from the basement or slipping around the corner, back when I said “Me too” and meant “include me”

8. Games of war crouched behind the couches when the only war you dreamt about was the one in Narnia

9. The cliff in Hawaii over the smoking volcanic ocean water and Mom screaming for you to come down

10. When you push me, like the dominoes you used to line up and watch devotedly as they toppled over, one after the other because sometimes general incivility is the very essence of love.

You wanted revenge against a man because he was sleeping with your wife.
So you dragged him into a dark alley and stabbed him to death with a knife.
You felt pretty good because you got rid of your wife's lover.
But you killed the wrong one, you killed the man's twin brother.

You didn't know that your wife's lover had an identical twin.
You stabbed him ninety times, you stabbed him over and over again.
You must have been boiling with hate to stab him that many times.
Karma caught up with you, you're in jail for committing that crime.

You robbed that poor man's family of a husband and dad.
You killed somebody who was innocent and that is so sad.
When I look into your eyes, I can see the remorse that you feel.
You got life without parole so when it comes to being released from prison, you never will.

She said our life doesn't matter.
Our happiness doesn't matter.
She found me inside me.
She told we will be ok.
Once she said we will find the one
She said we will gal up to see their smile.
I thought she is the one who understand me.
I thought she is my soul mate.
I thought we are brothers.
She shared her thoughts.
I shared mine.
She said she is going through the same.
She said she can understand.
She said she can relate.
Dear moon
Why she said that?
Why she said our life doesn't matter?
Why she said we will not gonna be happy?
Why she said we have to live as per society or leave the world?
Dear moon why she said that.
Why she said we will not get anything?
Why she said we have to Stop?
Why she said we are dragging people in the darkness?
Dear moon why she said that?
Once She said ending your life is not the end.
Now she said we have to choose.
Our family doesn't understand us .
No one will understand us.
Dear moon why she said that?
Why she said that?
Dear moon ask her...
Why she said that?
She is sad. I want her to be happy.
I am sad. I want to be happy.
I know she is awake.
Tell her I hate her.
Tell her we are not brothers anymore.
Just tell her..
Dear moon tell her I hate her.

I do, seriously.  Problem is, I want to have babies...



(sonnet #MMMMMMMDCLXXIV)


He said, "You don't need anything fr'intents
In there." as I picked up and flipped t'avail
Through Boden's latest catalogue.  In pale
Excuse I talked of this skirt, or from thence
Stared keenly at the models like their sense
Of perfect:  "you can't live without this" scale
Of being was tops.  Yes, studied aught detail
Like I was nonchalant oer sheer pretense.
If that earned me his lecture on how poor
My chances are of seeing him longer to
Effect are, guess I should have known as twere.
There was not anything I wanted.  You
Can argue that I'm wrong and that's fine too.
My wallet can't afford aught now in tour.

28Jan19b