I'm mentally torn apart
Take a step in my heart
Go ahead! peel off all the skin
Look at what lies within
Behind cute the little sweet things
Is an ugly reality
tugging at my sanity.

Life knows about me
It will cover up the ugly
So I don't end up in the ward
I smile at my life's gifts gleefully
Clutching life's sweet rewards
Deep into my palm.

This is my life
A Sugar Coat
The more I mask
The less I ask
Masking up the ugly, makes it so sweet
Save your tears, just not this week
Another day rolls along
She been sick for too long
Do my prayers ever get answered?
It hurts to watch her struggle through.

This is my little life
It cuts me like a knife
I might've won my little awards
But I'm one step closer to the wards
Where is he at
The one who told me that
I am his number one
It felt like he wasn't here
When the pang of stress was there.

This is my life
A Sugar Coat
The more I mask
The less I ask
Masking up the ugly, makes it so sweet
Save your tears, just not this week
Another day rolls along
Another broken promise
Will he ever care to compromise?
It pains me to see him
Not care about his and our future.

Each breath
is a reminder of the regrets
living in her body like a cancer…

Breathe in…
One, Two, Three…
Breathe out…
Now my mom’s free,
Or so she thought.
The smoke sends an illusion of peace.
The smell of ember burning,
getting closer and closer to death’s door
as it eats away the cigarettes,
While the time ticks slowly.
Each moment she lights the lighter,
The fire dances,
sending chills down her spine…

She knows it’s bad—
She said to me that she will get better,
but she gets bitter each minute
she holds the box of cigarettes
With the regrets she won’t let go.

Breathe in…
One, Two, Three…
Breathe out…
I don’t recognize my mom anymore.
I miss the old her.
The one who smiles and laughs,
Like a kid at a park.
Or whenever I cry with the fear of her dying
And disappearing,
she would hug me close and told me this;
“Don’t worry, baby…
Mama won’t let go of you.”
Now, she clutches a box of cigarettes.
Each breath she breathes
is a broken promise.
The mom I knew is fading in the smoke.
The mom I knew is in this photo,
But I want the real her.

Breathe in…
One, Two, Three…
Breathe out…
Now my mom’s gone from my life.

You swore you'd love me until the end of time
But now the end is getting nearer
And I still don't even see your face
When I look into the mirror

What now I see is shadows
Cast from shaky lights above
Where your little voice cries out
"What once was here was love"

You promised to stay,
Woke up not feeling okay.
You left far away.

You promised not to break it
The promise that you made
Now the shattered pieces
are embedded in my hands
I held on way too tightly
to your promises to me
you said you wouldn't break it
I guess that must mean
that I broke your promise
the pieces made me bleed

Why do you think I'll be quiet this time?
All that you said were filthy old lies.
I've written a letter, it's addressed to her,
The truth that she maybe needs to know?
Before making a choice to spend her whole life with you,
A person who wished that I was his only truth,
How do you guys just turn off all your love?
And chose someone who clearly wasn't enough.
I'm sick of your lies, you broke your promise,
To stay as a friend, you treat me like nonsense.
You've made your choice, I want to make mine,
To set the truth free, so that I can fly.
You had your chance to make the things right,
But made it all worse by staying aside,
I'm not some trash and you need a lesson,
Promises broken can turn really messy.
You'll make my life hell, I know that for sure,
When that all happens I'll be living no more.

You don’t deserve these poems
You deserve the silence you enforced upon me
I write these for me and me only
My private refuge. Just me and pain

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened
The silence. The cold
Like a train wreck so mangled it’s impossible to know where it begins and ends

I can remember the exact moment I realised
Realised you’d gone... again
Gone and broken every promise we’d ever made
Flung me into darkness