"let someone in" their voice rang though my head.
flashbacks of how my soul died replayed over and over and over again through the fog of my memory.
they meant it so innocently, but he was so innocent when I let him in.
my arms were wide open, I told him to make himself comfortable when he entered the depths of my heart.
and god, did he.
his shoes were muddy but I didn't even notice, his smile distracting me.
he opened my books on the shelf of memories, leaving them scattered all over the place.... his smooth beautiful lies consuming my mind to a point where I didn't care what he did.
I let him trapse through my deepest secrets, my most intense thoughts, while he sat there and smiled saying how he loved me.
why did I have to believe him?
he laced his words with so much truth it made my head spin,
he was bringing parts of me alive that had died so many years ago and I thought he'd stay.... but I also thought he loved me.
but before I could even blink he had ran out the door.
the door which used to have a wall built around it with a lock.
a wall that he broke down, and lock he somehow managed to get through.  
he was a storm that had ripped through my whole being, leaving me even more damaged than before.
but it's okay.... I'll just 'let someone in' again.

Heard a song of broken halos,
folded wings that used to fly.
Wondered why I go where I go.
Yeah, broken halos as miles went by.

Angels used to come and teach me,
now they’ve gone another way.
Don’t blame them, I told them they should
find another soul to save.

Stared at the darkness and let my mind go,
it took me places I used to shine.
The song kept playing – broken halos.
Yeah, broken halos and this one’s mine.

Don’t go looking for the reasons.
Don’t go asking Jesus why.
Some folded wings don’t have a reason.
Somehow, they lost the will to fly.

I’ve seen my share of broken halos,
tried to mend some. I’ve tried to give.
I never thought someday I’d join them.
I guess it happens in the lives we live.

I drove in silence for long time,
thought of the angels in the grand sublime.
Wondered if they’d ever fallen…
Broken halos that used to shine.
Yeah, broken halos and this one’s mine.

Ref: Chris Stapleton – Broken Halos

It’s not easy to move on,
from the last 12 years.
It’s not easy to erase them,
the memories you imprinted on me.

I know you’re a better man now,
but does that make up for everything?

I can’t forget the nights
I was sobbing in my room,
all alone, with no one to turn to.
I can’t forget the sound of your voice,
as it echoed through my room—
so loud, I put my hands over my ears,
yet I still heard it, loud and true.

I can’t forget the sound of broken dishes,
as you threw them across the room.
The sound of my favorite mirror shattering,
as you punched through it,
and turned your hand—and my heart—
red and blue.

I can’t forget the late-night hospital visits,
the stitches, the injections,
the crying and screaming—
all because you wanted that **** high,
the one you got from your bottles,
the one you wanted so much more than me.

I say that I have forgiven you,
although in my heart, that’s far from the truth.
I don’t know if I’ll ever even be able to,
not after you made my best years
so nightmarish,
that I shudder when I think of them.
I shudder when I think of you.
I wonder if you shudder too.

you think you broke me into a thousand little pieces when you left. and to be truthfully honest you did, but how could I ever tell you that? you left without a second thought, not caring at all about how I felt, or what this would do to such a passionate feeling soul.
so I will never tell you.... that I have sworn to myself, like an oath. keeping secrets has gotten somewhat easier since you left, I don't have to lie to myself about how I thought you would stay, or that you truly loved me. I'd like to say it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but that would be a lie in itself.
somehow I feel empty, but a thousand pounds heavier since your departure.
It doesn't make sense, but nothing did with you.
so I guess I'll keep going, no other option. but I'll do it with a smile on my face (even if it's fake). always remembering that you have broken me but at least you will never know how much....

Friendship -
some stay with you, as long as life itself,
but some,
some reveal reality.

Once a strong path no signs of wrong turns,
can twist without warnings -
a path that leads to fire,
and fate shattered in its flame.

Maybe it was just a wrong turn,
but the misunderstanding,
the confusion -
the fights, they set fire to the road
until all that its left is pain and a broken trust.

But I tell you - even if a path you trusted
is now but ashes,
it's not the only path.

There are others -
friends who would lead you,
care for you,
and walk beside of you.

You will find people - friends
who bring light to the road ahead -
who shows you better paths,
paths that hold love, trust,
memories, and hope.

The small warfield of myriad battles
few were triumphant, a lot were fatal
burdened with despair, fidgeted and unrest
once there dreams were sought to nest

home for love, passion and reform
gloomy it turned, after the storm
beating up being weary and worn
bear the freight of promises torn

one half of mine through thick and thin
confidant of every defeat and win
the secrets that it kept within
throbbing inside like spiny whin

reconvening the shreds of heart
razed by one and was torn apart
still it is ready to be my friend
pledged to never leave me in end